Its hard to find anything to smile about these days.
At the back of my mind, I know I badly needed the break from the boat and waters, away from the adrenaline rush that hits me each time my board leaves for flight. I needed the miracle to wrench myself away from the plateau I have been standing so long on, my mind simply needs to stop pushing myself.
It is also extremely easy to ignore the incessant whining from the back of my mind to stop, simply because Wakefest is this coming weekend. Yet also at the back of my mind (funny how there seems to be so much room in there) I get the nagging feeling that I will not perform, not even the slightest bit. The break will come soon, next week I am leaving...but does it matter?
It is amazing the amount of time I suddenly have on my hands, yet they trickle away as quickly as they have been bestowed upon me. The amount of travelling to my reviews, time spent out at sea, idling at my usual corner typing away at the laptop...it is as if 24 hours each day ain't enough.
There is a certain dissatisfaction about me that I cannot put to words. I yearn for company, for achievement, for a chapter closed. Yet there is this impending sense of me drifting about, aimless but unwilling. It's like I wish to keep my life to the present state, yet certain aspects requires me to close this chapter, and move onto the next one in my life. Parting is so difficult.
There are some things I am sure of now as I emerge from this emotional wreck, at least. Alas, fear has risen. Fear that stops me from going a level up, fear that stops me from trying.
Some things keep me going.
Cast all your anxieties upon Him because He cares for you.
Just when I thought I was condemned, no, I wasn't. :)
At the back of my mind, I know I badly needed the break from the boat and waters, away from the adrenaline rush that hits me each time my board leaves for flight. I needed the miracle to wrench myself away from the plateau I have been standing so long on, my mind simply needs to stop pushing myself.
It is also extremely easy to ignore the incessant whining from the back of my mind to stop, simply because Wakefest is this coming weekend. Yet also at the back of my mind (funny how there seems to be so much room in there) I get the nagging feeling that I will not perform, not even the slightest bit. The break will come soon, next week I am leaving...but does it matter?
It is amazing the amount of time I suddenly have on my hands, yet they trickle away as quickly as they have been bestowed upon me. The amount of travelling to my reviews, time spent out at sea, idling at my usual corner typing away at the laptop...it is as if 24 hours each day ain't enough.
There is a certain dissatisfaction about me that I cannot put to words. I yearn for company, for achievement, for a chapter closed. Yet there is this impending sense of me drifting about, aimless but unwilling. It's like I wish to keep my life to the present state, yet certain aspects requires me to close this chapter, and move onto the next one in my life. Parting is so difficult.
There are some things I am sure of now as I emerge from this emotional wreck, at least. Alas, fear has risen. Fear that stops me from going a level up, fear that stops me from trying.
Some things keep me going.
Cast all your anxieties upon Him because He cares for you.
Just when I thought I was condemned, no, I wasn't. :)