I wanna go home...
A splash of red, yellow, pink, orange and white.
Geberas on my table, bending towards sunlight.
Bed in hall's getting too comfy...until I can't seem to wake up on time for everything in my schedule. *sigh* School has crashed in full toll upon me. The amount of readings due and newspaper cuttings I have to do for this new PR module that I'm taking is grossly piling up. The weekend to catch up on work and I'm here in SRC awaiting internal elections to be over.
Sports Ball is coming and I don't know what to wear. Or rather, I have no mood and money to dress for the occassion. Why, must things end up like that? Why can't we get over our disappointments and be really professional about it?
Because the truth hurts. Because we've gone through so much in one year.
Feelings cannot be forced in a way one wants them to be. However we're are fortunately blessed, within ourselves, with the capability to forgive. (: Will we?
And I have a sudden urge to get rimless spectacles. To carry off another different look when the occassion calls for it. Dang.
Friday, August 19, 2005A splash of red, yellow, pink, orange and white.
Geberas on my table, bending towards sunlight.
Bed in hall's getting too comfy...until I can't seem to wake up on time for everything in my schedule. *sigh* School has crashed in full toll upon me. The amount of readings due and newspaper cuttings I have to do for this new PR module that I'm taking is grossly piling up. The weekend to catch up on work and I'm here in SRC awaiting internal elections to be over.
Sports Ball is coming and I don't know what to wear. Or rather, I have no mood and money to dress for the occassion. Why, must things end up like that? Why can't we get over our disappointments and be really professional about it?
Because the truth hurts. Because we've gone through so much in one year.
Feelings cannot be forced in a way one wants them to be. However we're are fortunately blessed, within ourselves, with the capability to forgive. (: Will we?
And I have a sudden urge to get rimless spectacles. To carry off another different look when the occassion calls for it. Dang.
S.P.A.S.H (Sports Bash) 2005 was superb.
Gotham Penthouse was downright cosy, pageant contestants looked really hot in the bikini and boardshorts section and their dances...nice, sizzling, fantastic.
Drinks were strong.
1 Flaming Lamborgini. 4 tequilla shots. 1 jug Screwdriver. 1 jug Vodka Lime. 1 Sex on the Beach. 1 Kamikaze.
All from 11.30pm till 3.30am.
Everybody was high. :)
And...that slow dance. :)
And...waking up with a hangover...and a furball.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005Gotham Penthouse was downright cosy, pageant contestants looked really hot in the bikini and boardshorts section and their dances...nice, sizzling, fantastic.
Drinks were strong.
1 Flaming Lamborgini. 4 tequilla shots. 1 jug Screwdriver. 1 jug Vodka Lime. 1 Sex on the Beach. 1 Kamikaze.
All from 11.30pm till 3.30am.
Everybody was high. :)
And...that slow dance. :)
And...waking up with a hangover...and a furball.
That little tugging within my heart..how you make me smile so.
Its been a crazy 2 days. Haven't slept since Sat morning, took a really short nap on Sunday morning 4am only to wake up an hour later..went through Triathlon 2005 at Sentosa..kept logistics, set up bazaar..another half hour's rest before the day kicks off. Vendors complaining their stall location ain't good enough, vendors complaining vendors complaining...
I slept from 9pm on Monday night till 9am on Tuesday morning. I had probably 20 over missed calls but I didn't give a damn about it. My eyebags have finally reduced to more normal looking eyebags..but I think I can still audition for Miss Gothic.
But. It has been a good day..especially having a great start in the morning.
Thanks furrrrrrrrrball.
Friday, August 12, 2005Its been a crazy 2 days. Haven't slept since Sat morning, took a really short nap on Sunday morning 4am only to wake up an hour later..went through Triathlon 2005 at Sentosa..kept logistics, set up bazaar..another half hour's rest before the day kicks off. Vendors complaining their stall location ain't good enough, vendors complaining vendors complaining...
I slept from 9pm on Monday night till 9am on Tuesday morning. I had probably 20 over missed calls but I didn't give a damn about it. My eyebags have finally reduced to more normal looking eyebags..but I think I can still audition for Miss Gothic.
But. It has been a good day..especially having a great start in the morning.
Thanks furrrrrrrrrball.
School has started and I skipped my lecture today, and I'm still wondering why the hell I did that when I'm staying in a nice comfy room and I actually woke up for breakfast. Why did I go back to sleeep........ *grumbles*
Did I mention that I love my room? How cooling it is, how spacious it is...but my neighbours all close their doors and I never ever get to see them. Except for this super nice girl called Violet, who stays just beside me. The room opposite me looked as if it has no occupant..BUT THERE IS. Oh my.
Did I mention how a few PRCs came for our welcome tea? It was so obvious that they did not fit in right there and then. Hello, its Sports Club and not some society and stuff. Who goes "Please vote for me" at the start of a conversation at a welcome tea? Some just go there for the food. They load their pathetic tiny plates with a mountainful of food, and go back to top up when their plate isn't even empty yet.
Lonely in Eusoff.
Bazaar's driving me nuts. The clubroom scene is always people at laptops in either Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel, or Adobe Photoshop. The 4 phones in the clubroom are always used, as well as handphones ringing non-stop. Each conversation begins with "Hi I'm so&so from NUS Students' Sports Club..." and ends with "Thank you very much".
And why, why must people wait till we go on our knees to beg for information then only will they divulge their utmost important sources when they could have done that long ago? Why?
Why do some people not understand that they aren't the only ones signing a contract with us, that we have like plenty to sign besides them? Why do they insist on personalised service? Why don't they realise that I sleep at 4am and wake up at 9am just to answer their calls?
5 hours of sleep per day. Not bad la. Sounds perfect. Sounds like what I've been doing last semester.
Sigh. Stop complaining lah, girl.
Hell week is coming. Starts tomorrow. Ends Thursday with the NUS Sports Bash. I think I won't need any alcohol to make me high. I'll just collapse straight on the dance floor. *grin* How unglam.
omg. someone just give me a massage now. -_-
Tuesday, August 02, 2005Did I mention that I love my room? How cooling it is, how spacious it is...but my neighbours all close their doors and I never ever get to see them. Except for this super nice girl called Violet, who stays just beside me. The room opposite me looked as if it has no occupant..BUT THERE IS. Oh my.
Did I mention how a few PRCs came for our welcome tea? It was so obvious that they did not fit in right there and then. Hello, its Sports Club and not some society and stuff. Who goes "Please vote for me" at the start of a conversation at a welcome tea? Some just go there for the food. They load their pathetic tiny plates with a mountainful of food, and go back to top up when their plate isn't even empty yet.
Lonely in Eusoff.
Bazaar's driving me nuts. The clubroom scene is always people at laptops in either Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel, or Adobe Photoshop. The 4 phones in the clubroom are always used, as well as handphones ringing non-stop. Each conversation begins with "Hi I'm so&so from NUS Students' Sports Club..." and ends with "Thank you very much".
And why, why must people wait till we go on our knees to beg for information then only will they divulge their utmost important sources when they could have done that long ago? Why?
Why do some people not understand that they aren't the only ones signing a contract with us, that we have like plenty to sign besides them? Why do they insist on personalised service? Why don't they realise that I sleep at 4am and wake up at 9am just to answer their calls?
5 hours of sleep per day. Not bad la. Sounds perfect. Sounds like what I've been doing last semester.
Sigh. Stop complaining lah, girl.
Hell week is coming. Starts tomorrow. Ends Thursday with the NUS Sports Bash. I think I won't need any alcohol to make me high. I'll just collapse straight on the dance floor. *grin* How unglam.
omg. someone just give me a massage now. -_-
It never rains but pours. How true isn't it?
I've accepted Eusoff in my heart.
Reformatted my laptop to clear away all the spyware problems I've been dealing with.
I thought I had finally gained a little control over my life.
But, I lost another 2 students. "Company retrenchment," they say. 2 students, whom I put my entire heart into teaching, to transform a boy who was previously condemned slow by other teachers, to a boy who could play me a good (I repeat: good) grade 2 exam piece last Sunday. It was just last Sunday I felt deep satisfaction within me. The satisfaction of watching a student improve under your hands. I did it in 1.5 years.
And suddenly, these 1.5 years went down the drain all in one phone call. The ache of earning less money per month, the heartache of not being able to watch my student continue improving under my hands, the disappointment of not being able to tell his parents proudly that he'll be able to pass grade 2 next year..makes me want to crumble and cry. Because it ain't the first time.
Lost one student half a year ago because he couldn't get distinction in his exam. Was it my fault that he panicked in the exam room and couldn't perform as he did in the mock exam? Lost another student due to financial problems on her part.
Piano lessons have now become a luxury. Yet people do not realise how difficult it is to progress in piano. They think it takes at most 2 years to reach to a level of a performer they have heard in a concert a week ago. I took 17 years.
And I wonder how many people will invest in 17 years worth of lessons.
Given the society now? None I believe.
Utterly disappointed.
Monday, August 01, 2005I've accepted Eusoff in my heart.
Reformatted my laptop to clear away all the spyware problems I've been dealing with.
I thought I had finally gained a little control over my life.
But, I lost another 2 students. "Company retrenchment," they say. 2 students, whom I put my entire heart into teaching, to transform a boy who was previously condemned slow by other teachers, to a boy who could play me a good (I repeat: good) grade 2 exam piece last Sunday. It was just last Sunday I felt deep satisfaction within me. The satisfaction of watching a student improve under your hands. I did it in 1.5 years.
And suddenly, these 1.5 years went down the drain all in one phone call. The ache of earning less money per month, the heartache of not being able to watch my student continue improving under my hands, the disappointment of not being able to tell his parents proudly that he'll be able to pass grade 2 next year..makes me want to crumble and cry. Because it ain't the first time.
Lost one student half a year ago because he couldn't get distinction in his exam. Was it my fault that he panicked in the exam room and couldn't perform as he did in the mock exam? Lost another student due to financial problems on her part.
Piano lessons have now become a luxury. Yet people do not realise how difficult it is to progress in piano. They think it takes at most 2 years to reach to a level of a performer they have heard in a concert a week ago. I took 17 years.
And I wonder how many people will invest in 17 years worth of lessons.
Given the society now? None I believe.
Utterly disappointed.
"Its not supposed to feel this way, I need you, I need you, more and more each day...
Its not supposed to hurt this way, I need you, I need you, I need you..tell me."
I'm still hooked onto Avril Lavigne's "Why". Its a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. Although those lyrics do not really apply to any aspect in my life now. Maybe a little.
School's starting and I'm not feeling good about it. A certain few friends will know about a leech I've encountered recently, and another certain few friends will know how I feel about moving into hall. I am definitely not ready to move into hall. Part of me tells me I'm not ready to make new friends and start anew all over again in a new environment alone. Its tough..its freakin' tough to put on a smile to the whole world. It hurts inside while others think I'm all "sunshine". The truth is, I'm scared.
Scared of not being able to fit in - in the shortest time possible.
Scared of losing my friends now that we've gone our sepearate ways - me in EH, they in TH & KR.
Scared of not being close to a certain few I'd like to be with anymore...scared of watching them slowly vanish away from my life.
"All around me are familiar faces, worn out places...worn out phases..."
"Going nowhere...going nowhere..."
"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows, no tomorrow, no tomorrow..."
"and I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams of which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."
"and people run in circles its a weary fury thing. mad world..."
Bazaar's in 2 weeks and many things are not settled yet. I haven't got enough stalls, I haven't got the band equipment and I haven't got many contracts signed yet. I haven't moved into hall. I haven't got all my modules.
I can't perform in floorball when HC is there. Like I'm really stressed and pressurised to show what I'm really capable of in normal games when I'm having 100% fun playing with the seniors and stuff. I want to, but I can't....
Terrified with time flying past.
Fascinated with him. He sparks my curiousity.
Contemplating.
But...when will I really open up?
I need a hug. From who, I don't know exactly. But it has to be the right one.
"Words of love to calm every storm that rises deep inside..arms to hold and comfort me, a place where I can hide away my tears..."
So many songs. Turbulent feelings.
Groove Coverage CD spinning away in my D: all over...and all over again. And another click, the slower songs come in.
What exactly is it that causes me to lose control of my feelings?
I'm tumbling down the hill all over again.
It doesn't help when I'm leeched onto. It sucks. It drives me nuts...beyond that. It is added stress and I can't burn it off. Unless maybe if I set myself on fire. It will be very appropriate now to use the 2 words - "fuck off."
Just did a floorball demo at TKGS today. Going back to TKGS after 4 years seems weird. Like stepping back into time. When I was sec 4. Bought new speakers today. Finally.
"Let the music heal your soul."
Its time to take a step back, and indulge in music again.
Step aside dude, you do not choose my music for me.
Its not supposed to hurt this way, I need you, I need you, I need you..tell me."
I'm still hooked onto Avril Lavigne's "Why". Its a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. Although those lyrics do not really apply to any aspect in my life now. Maybe a little.
School's starting and I'm not feeling good about it. A certain few friends will know about a leech I've encountered recently, and another certain few friends will know how I feel about moving into hall. I am definitely not ready to move into hall. Part of me tells me I'm not ready to make new friends and start anew all over again in a new environment alone. Its tough..its freakin' tough to put on a smile to the whole world. It hurts inside while others think I'm all "sunshine". The truth is, I'm scared.
Scared of not being able to fit in - in the shortest time possible.
Scared of losing my friends now that we've gone our sepearate ways - me in EH, they in TH & KR.
Scared of not being close to a certain few I'd like to be with anymore...scared of watching them slowly vanish away from my life.
"All around me are familiar faces, worn out places...worn out phases..."
"Going nowhere...going nowhere..."
"Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows, no tomorrow, no tomorrow..."
"and I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams of which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."
"and people run in circles its a weary fury thing. mad world..."
Bazaar's in 2 weeks and many things are not settled yet. I haven't got enough stalls, I haven't got the band equipment and I haven't got many contracts signed yet. I haven't moved into hall. I haven't got all my modules.
I can't perform in floorball when HC is there. Like I'm really stressed and pressurised to show what I'm really capable of in normal games when I'm having 100% fun playing with the seniors and stuff. I want to, but I can't....
Terrified with time flying past.
Fascinated with him. He sparks my curiousity.
Contemplating.
But...when will I really open up?
I need a hug. From who, I don't know exactly. But it has to be the right one.
"Words of love to calm every storm that rises deep inside..arms to hold and comfort me, a place where I can hide away my tears..."
So many songs. Turbulent feelings.
Groove Coverage CD spinning away in my D: all over...and all over again. And another click, the slower songs come in.
What exactly is it that causes me to lose control of my feelings?
I'm tumbling down the hill all over again.
It doesn't help when I'm leeched onto. It sucks. It drives me nuts...beyond that. It is added stress and I can't burn it off. Unless maybe if I set myself on fire. It will be very appropriate now to use the 2 words - "fuck off."
Just did a floorball demo at TKGS today. Going back to TKGS after 4 years seems weird. Like stepping back into time. When I was sec 4. Bought new speakers today. Finally.
"Let the music heal your soul."
Its time to take a step back, and indulge in music again.
Step aside dude, you do not choose my music for me.