Yep, its back to black hair for me again. Funny that my mum should say, "Why did you change colour? Your previous colour was very nice!"
Right. Yes it was, but I need a change.
I'll be a brunette next time. *chuckles*
Its pretty much impossible to do any work at home, because I'm so tired upon returning home that all I want to do is to sleep, have good dinners at home, laze around, watch TV and crawl back to bed.
Mdm Wong's last night was pretty okay. Except its a pity I didn't know many people there, and the staff couldn't cope at the bar counter. Freakin' long wait for drinks that are horribly diluted and horribly mixed.
Training this morning was so...lethargic. Partly because I was dehydrating so easily due to alcohol the night before, and probably the lack of sleep as well. Let in 5-6 goals during game. Sigh. Ought to smack myself in the head really, for letting them spin off me so easily. Whaaaat was I thinking of?
Been having plenty of reality checks, a month away to IVP and I'm not very confident about my play now. Oh well, but I guess I'll just have to put in more effort then. Funny thing, its more tiring playing defender than forward, though as a forward I run more than a defender. Spend more time darting around as a defender I suppose.
Random thoughts tonight.
Of the twilights. :)
Of the shadows playing on my wall.
Of my dusty window panes.
Damn. I've gotta get down to wiping them.
Its two days public hols this coming week. I can't wait!
I just did it again.
I've gotten another bruise on the left side of my head, reminiscent of the blue-black I've gotten over the left side of my face one year ago.
*winces*
Whist I was left unconscious last year, I saw stars this year. At least, I saw the lights above dance in a merry-go-round before I decide to close my eyes and say to myself, "XP, you're seeing things."
Can't walk, can't smile, can't frown, can't chew, can't flex any facial muscle without feeling the throbbing pain.
Turning into numbing pain.
How did that happen?
Floorball. *grin*
Tsk. I love that sport.
But I'm sure going to the docs tomorrow.
Thursday, October 20, 2005I've gotten another bruise on the left side of my head, reminiscent of the blue-black I've gotten over the left side of my face one year ago.
*winces*
Whist I was left unconscious last year, I saw stars this year. At least, I saw the lights above dance in a merry-go-round before I decide to close my eyes and say to myself, "XP, you're seeing things."
Can't walk, can't smile, can't frown, can't chew, can't flex any facial muscle without feeling the throbbing pain.
Turning into numbing pain.
How did that happen?
Floorball. *grin*
Tsk. I love that sport.
But I'm sure going to the docs tomorrow.
I was looking at myself in the mirror when I was in the gym just now. I realised my room's mirror, my hall toilet's mirror, my home mirror and the gym's mirror give me 4 different looks altogether. What a scary thought. So which do I trust?
That was besides the point. I'm getting rounder despite eating more healthy food, eating less carbo, exercising more and playing more sports.
WHY!!??
I have probably grown fitter as compared to last time, but the only thing that has shape now are my legs (because of floorball, duh). My shoulders have seemingly gotten rounder and narrower *eeks* and, to quote my friends, I've become "bak bak".
*eyes grow big*
This can't be happening man.
What to do what to do what to do?????
I mean, I have you friends telling me I'm not fat and stuff, yes I've heard that a million times. But hello, you people have wonderful figures! And I'm not particularly depressed because I'm fat or what. I guess I'm just puzzled, why am I so not looking as fit as I'm supposed to be?
Wednesday, October 19, 2005That was besides the point. I'm getting rounder despite eating more healthy food, eating less carbo, exercising more and playing more sports.
WHY!!??
I have probably grown fitter as compared to last time, but the only thing that has shape now are my legs (because of floorball, duh). My shoulders have seemingly gotten rounder and narrower *eeks* and, to quote my friends, I've become "bak bak".
*eyes grow big*
This can't be happening man.
What to do what to do what to do?????
I mean, I have you friends telling me I'm not fat and stuff, yes I've heard that a million times. But hello, you people have wonderful figures! And I'm not particularly depressed because I'm fat or what. I guess I'm just puzzled, why am I so not looking as fit as I'm supposed to be?
Eusoff's DP Bash at Mdm Wong's Bar next Friday, 28th October.
Will anybody like to buy tickets? Be nice and go there dance with me.
$15, one complimentary drink.
R&B all night.
I think I'll go there and drink. And look at the Eusoffian population, like, for the first time in my life.
28th October. Hair colour changes.
By that time, I hope my life will have improved as well. Floorball has just started picking up for me. Maybe I do need that break after all.
Then why do I find myself unwillingly thrown into a situation that I do not desire?
Sunday, October 16, 2005Will anybody like to buy tickets? Be nice and go there dance with me.
$15, one complimentary drink.
R&B all night.
I think I'll go there and drink. And look at the Eusoffian population, like, for the first time in my life.
28th October. Hair colour changes.
By that time, I hope my life will have improved as well. Floorball has just started picking up for me. Maybe I do need that break after all.
Then why do I find myself unwillingly thrown into a situation that I do not desire?
Its raining islandwide. Wind's swirling around the house; I feel my hair move with it.
Funny how things have changed so much since the good ol' days. Was just looking through my photos, from primary school, through secondary school, through the JC days, and recently my uni photos. Just begun reflecting on life, all 14 years of schooling I have been through. Trying to fit into my group of friends, trying to keep up with what's-cool-and-what's-not. Friendship found and lost in the midst of growing up, I've found some who have been with me for quite a while.
And here's to those friends, whom I've been with since the days where we had ugly shapeless hair, geeky spectacles, braces and plenty of pimples. Cheers.
Friday, October 14, 2005Funny how things have changed so much since the good ol' days. Was just looking through my photos, from primary school, through secondary school, through the JC days, and recently my uni photos. Just begun reflecting on life, all 14 years of schooling I have been through. Trying to fit into my group of friends, trying to keep up with what's-cool-and-what's-not. Friendship found and lost in the midst of growing up, I've found some who have been with me for quite a while.
And here's to those friends, whom I've been with since the days where we had ugly shapeless hair, geeky spectacles, braces and plenty of pimples. Cheers.
-------------------------------------------
I met a friend 5 years ago. The memories of the past 5 years weren't as vivid because we stop keeping in touch for a while. Only the keychain spelling "viviane" still hangs on my softboard, the cubes getting rather dull and tainted from the prolonged exposure to the dusty air in my room.
Its still hanging there, dear friend. A significant reminder of our relationship.
(Just along with the other half of the patched grey bear, the Me to You series; the other half's with Joy...that too is hanging on my softboard)
So much for being a sentimental at heart. Back to this good friend. Year 2005. New Year 2006. And you've been there for me since. Through the bad, through the grossly-lame jokes...
Funny how we've never spent time that often, yet we know each other so well. Would you call that a special friendship worth keeping?
-----------------------------------
Gone were the days where I used to get excited about diving headfirst into camps and events, getting to know new people, expanding my social circle as wide as possible. Hall life no longer appeals to me like it used to. I want to hold on to the friends I've made, but frankly it seems too tiring to want to meet up with every single one of them.
It used to be "I'm busy with Sports Club". Sure I was, and I enjoyed a year there. Now without, I thought I'd have more time. Now its "I'm busy with school work."
------------------------------------------
Gotham's bartender recognises me now. Sigh.
I got to taste another of his recipe: Liquid Fire.
First Four Fingers, now Liquid Fire.
Go try it if you're game enough.
-----------------------------------------
4 more weeks to the exams. Another of those crazy periods again. Yet another semester will have gone by.
Time flies, too quickly.
Friday morning, 5.10am. I'm studying for another PR test due 5 hours later. Its another long night ahead, just as it has been for the past 2 weeks.
2 weeks of presentations and assignments. Next week will be a short breather for me before I prepare for another 2 presentations and 1 test.
I see peace sculpted in a form lying close to me as I slog through 10 pages worth of PR & Law notes. Peace in ash-brown hair stirring beneath the spinning fan, as the gentle drizzle outside continues its murmur. Admist (oh what the...) Snoopy prints that encase a certain softness I cherish every night.
"pok."
My sleep kept away by "cough-fee" (coffee + coughs). Coughs punctuate the quiet murmur of the drizzle, such a raw unbridled sound which certainly does not belong to the tranquil night. Notes on "PR & Law" beckon once again.
One more glance down. A smile plays around my lips once more.
Thursday, October 13, 20052 weeks of presentations and assignments. Next week will be a short breather for me before I prepare for another 2 presentations and 1 test.
I see peace sculpted in a form lying close to me as I slog through 10 pages worth of PR & Law notes. Peace in ash-brown hair stirring beneath the spinning fan, as the gentle drizzle outside continues its murmur. Admist (oh what the...) Snoopy prints that encase a certain softness I cherish every night.
"pok."
--------------------------------------------------------------
My sleep kept away by "cough-fee" (coffee + coughs). Coughs punctuate the quiet murmur of the drizzle, such a raw unbridled sound which certainly does not belong to the tranquil night. Notes on "PR & Law" beckon once again.
One more glance down. A smile plays around my lips once more.
After sitting through my PR (Public Relations) tutorial which was a review session for tomorrow's term test, I felt more stressed than ever. It looks like tonight will be another no-sleep night as my life has been for the past week.
Feeling pretty empty within me, now that I have the time to sit down and properly study within the privacy of my own room and all. I hear of people joining committees and having a good time making friends there and stuff, and I reflect upon myself: I had a good one year, why am I still craving for such a busy, crazy lifestyle?
Not very keen about hall stuff now, feeling very off in hall because its so hard to make friends. At least the few in C block and my neighbours are still keeping me alive, though it is so difficult to establish a closeness amongst us because we are so very different in character. Actually, I think I'm just being less friendly and outgoing as I was before; I don't feel inclined to make a conversation with just anybody these days. Like how I'll be pretty happy leaving my phone switched off, leaving my MSN mode away while I sit on my bed/stretch on my gym ball and idle time away just like that. Just like a lazy cat. Except that a cat will be contented with what I am doing now, but I am not.
What the hell. I may as well relish this slack period before the SCPs start piling in next semester. Don't know whether to go for track trials later in the evening. Not feelin' so happenin' these days.
Feeling pretty empty within me, now that I have the time to sit down and properly study within the privacy of my own room and all. I hear of people joining committees and having a good time making friends there and stuff, and I reflect upon myself: I had a good one year, why am I still craving for such a busy, crazy lifestyle?
Not very keen about hall stuff now, feeling very off in hall because its so hard to make friends. At least the few in C block and my neighbours are still keeping me alive, though it is so difficult to establish a closeness amongst us because we are so very different in character. Actually, I think I'm just being less friendly and outgoing as I was before; I don't feel inclined to make a conversation with just anybody these days. Like how I'll be pretty happy leaving my phone switched off, leaving my MSN mode away while I sit on my bed/stretch on my gym ball and idle time away just like that. Just like a lazy cat. Except that a cat will be contented with what I am doing now, but I am not.
What the hell. I may as well relish this slack period before the SCPs start piling in next semester. Don't know whether to go for track trials later in the evening. Not feelin' so happenin' these days.
I'm irritating myself to death with my horrible cough.
I woke up to the smell of french toast and eggs today, while still snuggled up in the comforts of my blue and yellow.
comforter. :)
"Good morning."
A great start to a long day ahead.
Compared to the previous night...something not worth remembering nor bothering at all. A turnaround, a quick one. I'm sorry, working style ain't my type. I'm keeping away.
Thanks (..you) for bearing with the angst. I'm like grumpy Pei these days. 2 presentations down, 2 more to go, 1 more test to study for. I hate this time of the semester. grarr!
Sunday, October 09, 2005I woke up to the smell of french toast and eggs today, while still snuggled up in the comforts of my blue and yellow.
comforter. :)
"Good morning."
A great start to a long day ahead.
Compared to the previous night...something not worth remembering nor bothering at all. A turnaround, a quick one. I'm sorry, working style ain't my type. I'm keeping away.
Thanks (..you) for bearing with the angst. I'm like grumpy Pei these days. 2 presentations down, 2 more to go, 1 more test to study for. I hate this time of the semester. grarr!
Dear readers,
The owner of this blog will like to apologise the the lack of recent photos because of the following 2 reasons:
Tuesday, October 04, 2005The owner of this blog will like to apologise the the lack of recent photos because of the following 2 reasons:
- Her Konica Revio has been deemed too lousy for good photos and she will take minimal pictures until the desired Canon Ixus 55 lands in her hands.
- She has also grown way too much from 1 year ago and decided she does not look good in photos anymore until she slims down to her original 19-yr-old-shape.
A thousand apologies.
Here I am again, a less angsty me as compared to the previous post.
Thanks, you all, for looking out for me. Hammockin' last night was good. It forced me to accept the fact that I no longer can wallow in my dangerously-demanding self expectations forever, but ought to just go on with life.
Haiyar. So much about venting those frustrations out. Yes, self-expectations, on my part has always been near detrimental to me, and I recognise the fact that I ought to change this aspect of my life.
It helps to know that there are many who will offer their concern and advice for me though. :)
Was just reading TRS' blog, and thought it was really sweet of him to acknowledge a friendship like that. Speaking of sweetness, I had plenty of sweetness in my life lately; TRS and his wonderful call bringing warmth from (cold, ironically) Australia, receiving a card from Astri from the U.S (aww girl, I've still yet to sit down and pen one down back to you), hammockin' with Gil, nice dessert from Violet (my neighbour in Eusoff), late night runs and supper with the bears, and of course the one that lasts 24/7 (well, almost)... :)
And did I mention how great STOMP was?
Rhythm.
Energy.
Engaging.
Standing ovation.
I love it. Every $70 worth of it.
Saturday, October 01, 2005Thanks, you all, for looking out for me. Hammockin' last night was good. It forced me to accept the fact that I no longer can wallow in my dangerously-demanding self expectations forever, but ought to just go on with life.
Haiyar. So much about venting those frustrations out. Yes, self-expectations, on my part has always been near detrimental to me, and I recognise the fact that I ought to change this aspect of my life.
It helps to know that there are many who will offer their concern and advice for me though. :)
Was just reading TRS' blog, and thought it was really sweet of him to acknowledge a friendship like that. Speaking of sweetness, I had plenty of sweetness in my life lately; TRS and his wonderful call bringing warmth from (cold, ironically) Australia, receiving a card from Astri from the U.S (aww girl, I've still yet to sit down and pen one down back to you), hammockin' with Gil, nice dessert from Violet (my neighbour in Eusoff), late night runs and supper with the bears, and of course the one that lasts 24/7 (well, almost)... :)
And did I mention how great STOMP was?
Rhythm.
Energy.
Engaging.
Standing ovation.
I love it. Every $70 worth of it.
Its always so nice to receive a long-distance call from an old friend. I love to hear a familiar voice when I'm halfway working through my work, never expecting the call at all.
Thanks Terrence, for making that call. I enjoyed it very much. :)
----------------------------------------------
I'm probably gonna drop back to defence in floorball from like, today? Was playing in Line 3 with the juniors as a defender. Frankly speaking, there hasn't been what I'd call a "GREAT!" training session one month after the KL trip.
"XP, are you very stressed during training?"
Am I? I don't know. I'm very frustrated with myself for trying to put in the effort yet nothing seems to be showing. Its like how I dedicate 45 minutes worth of shooting, only to achieve the same standard as someone who has just done 10 minutes of shooting practice.
That kinda thing.
I'm ranting.
It has happened yet again, or so it seems to be. Move someone into my original place, displace me. To another place. To please one, to make me accomodate and adapt.
Hey. I have feelings too. But I probably respect you for that decision because I assume its for my own good. But is every person's decision to move me (like a chess piece) for my own good? Question them, will you?
Displaced. Once again.
That chess piece. Maybe just a pawn.
"So long you keep trying, you'll keep improving. You've got to be patient. Everybody goes through a learning process..."
Yeah and so long I keep practising I'll improve. Right. I've heard that countless, endless times. How easy do you think that can be? Easy peasy for those who are naturally better with that damn stick.
Not to mention that I'm battling with emotions within me now. Expect me to overcome them? Tear my heart and mind out first.
6 years ago, the same displacement denied me of pursuing a second instrument of my choice.
-----------------------------------------------------
I hate IT companies and their inefficiency and their arrogance.
Fucked up, irresponsible employees who do not give a hoot about student organizations.
Won't they just pick up the damn phone? I swear I'll call until I make them orgasm from the constant vibration in their pants. By that time I bet they'd have died from testical cancer.
------------------------------------------------------
"Arms to hold and comfort me; a place, where I can hide away my tears, all my fears fade away without a trace..."
Thanks for that hug. I really needed it.
Thanks Terrence, for making that call. I enjoyed it very much. :)
----------------------------------------------
I'm probably gonna drop back to defence in floorball from like, today? Was playing in Line 3 with the juniors as a defender. Frankly speaking, there hasn't been what I'd call a "GREAT!" training session one month after the KL trip.
"XP, are you very stressed during training?"
Am I? I don't know. I'm very frustrated with myself for trying to put in the effort yet nothing seems to be showing. Its like how I dedicate 45 minutes worth of shooting, only to achieve the same standard as someone who has just done 10 minutes of shooting practice.
That kinda thing.
I'm ranting.
It has happened yet again, or so it seems to be. Move someone into my original place, displace me. To another place. To please one, to make me accomodate and adapt.
Hey. I have feelings too. But I probably respect you for that decision because I assume its for my own good. But is every person's decision to move me (like a chess piece) for my own good? Question them, will you?
Displaced. Once again.
That chess piece. Maybe just a pawn.
"So long you keep trying, you'll keep improving. You've got to be patient. Everybody goes through a learning process..."
Yeah and so long I keep practising I'll improve. Right. I've heard that countless, endless times. How easy do you think that can be? Easy peasy for those who are naturally better with that damn stick.
Not to mention that I'm battling with emotions within me now. Expect me to overcome them? Tear my heart and mind out first.
6 years ago, the same displacement denied me of pursuing a second instrument of my choice.
-----------------------------------------------------
I hate IT companies and their inefficiency and their arrogance.
Fucked up, irresponsible employees who do not give a hoot about student organizations.
Won't they just pick up the damn phone? I swear I'll call until I make them orgasm from the constant vibration in their pants. By that time I bet they'd have died from testical cancer.
------------------------------------------------------
"Arms to hold and comfort me; a place, where I can hide away my tears, all my fears fade away without a trace..."
Thanks for that hug. I really needed it.