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Saturday, September 30, 2006

"I Turn to You" - Christina Aguilera

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light,
To light my way
When I'm scared, losing ground
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around, yes

And when I'm down,
You're there pushing me to the top
You're always there giving me all you've got

For a shield from the storm
For a friend,
For a love to keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do
For everything that's true,
I turn to you

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you
And I can reach the sky again
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing
'Cause your love inspires me

And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith,
Taking me through the night, yeah

For a shield from the storm
For a friend,
For a love to keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
I turn to you,
Oh, yeah, oh

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain
For truth that will never change
For someone to lean on
For a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to
Oh, oh, I
Turn to you
Oh, oh, yea

To keep me safe and warm, yeah, yeah
I turn to you
For the strength,
For the will to carry on, oh, oh
For everything you do,
For everything that's true,
For everything you do, oh, oh, oh
For everything that's true,
I turn to you


A song for you. So appropriate, right from my iTunes playlist.

x`p
8:52 PM

- 2 shouts

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Money tests the true value of friendships. Money exposes a person's true personality. The subject of "money" has wisened me for the harsh reality of the world out there.

"Then I must say I am disappointed in you as a friend. When you were drunk I helped you back to your room, cleaned up your vomit everything. The least you could do is to make my job easier."

I do not choose to cough out $65 from my hard-earned money to repay you for taking care of me. You could have told me, girl, I know I would have appreciated it alot. But on a personal statement, it is rather naive to bring up one incident in exchange for money. 2 completely seperate issues, bunched together because of a mere $65. No, make it $65 x 20 because its $65 each from 20 people. Yes it has not been easy chasing 20 people for money because we certainly bore no responsibility over this $1k+ loss of funds.

"...then its your own problem because we have sent out the email months ago and you should have been prepared for it."

I should have been prepared? How would I know months ago that I would have to end up paying $289.20 for a mistake I never thought was my fault? How would I know months ago that I would end up in a financial debt of $300 and could not pay back because months ago, I did not know that I would lose 3 more students. The ugly side of human nature has emerged, loud and distinct, right in front of my eyes - it sickens me, it tears at me from within; my heart aches as I witness the things that people say and do because of money.

I wonder if it is all karma coming back to me, karma booting me from behind for having broken hearts due to my own self-centredness in the past. I wonder if this is what life has in store for me for choosing to pursue my own life and carelessly throwing away the love and concern that my previous boyfriends have showered upon me. All I wanted was a colourful (and dramatic) life; all I wanted was a life I would look back with no regrets - all these I have achieved - but the obstacles I have to cross now seemed equivalent to what I almost heartlessly plowed through in the past.

But, I am but 21 years of age. These setbacks are nothing but contributions to my resilience (did I get the spelling right?) in life, these betrayals are nothing but added strength to my character. You do not bring me down that easily.

And thank God for my friends, the people who have believed in me, the wonderful company I have indulged in. Thank God for who I am now, as a friend, a daughter and a lady in society. Thank God for my learned talents and skills. For everything in my life.

x`p
5:37 PM

- 3 shouts

Friday, September 22, 2006

I had the pleasure of meeting Mikella and Kelvin up for a short dinner and catch-up session at Holland V hawker centre last night. Thank you, my dear girl..for insisting on a meet-up - it is only then I realise how important my social network of friends are to me.

Of course, I had to kill two birds with one stone; did a quick jog from school down to Holland V via Clementi Rd but reached there late because I wasn't running as fast as I expected. Still it was good to catch up with them despite having a test the next day.

I'm sitting in Sociology of Food lecture, trying to stay awake via blogging and taking down lecture notes. Its a long long day ahead. I hate Fridays, usually because I have 10am-6pm back-to-back lessons due to a lousy timetable. Furthermore, there's a test today at 2pm so I pulled my usual all-nighter once again to finish studying for my test.

More photos are up on Flickr thanks to a flurry of pictures from the previous photoshoot (yay). School work is taking a toll on me - I'm once again behind my readings despite trying to catch up every night!

x`p
12:43 PM

- 0 shouts

Saturday, September 16, 2006


That's us with Kovit's design collection.

And thus Sports Ball 06' ended, after 2 months of friendships, dance practices, catwalk trainings, morale ups-and-downs, make-up craze, photoshoots, fittings and all.

You know how it feels after a major event has ended - I feel it now - a sudden emptiness within me; nostalgia arises everytime I hear Sexy Back, Promiscuous Girl, Buttons, Downtown etc. on my iTunes, radio wherever.

And after one night of glamour (and 2 months of working towards it), life resumes for me. Does it?

I am emotionally shaken after 2 months of understanding myself and whatever "change" I have gone through. I've discovered a part of myself I've hidden away after year 1, and its back larger than life. Renewed energy drives me on with 5-6 hours of sleep every weekday whilst I squeeze in play, school, exercise and work into my schedule. 5 days of school, 2 days of training and 2 days of part-time work are enough to keep me on my toes. In the midst of this, my mum has become an important source of comfort to me - I love to go home to her, and her home-cooked food. I grew to love conversations with her, I've started discussing relationships with her, and I am pleased to know that she shares the same mindset I have towards relationships and men. She was right in the past to dissaprove of my previous boyfriends because she said they weren't the ones for me - boy, she was so right.

I've started on 2 books, courtesy of Kiat - "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", and "The Time Traveller". I used to be able to finish books in 1-2 days, but these books have been sitting around for 1 to 2 months, for I was only able to flip a few pages every other day. In summary, I realised I exhibit more of Martian characteristics than Venus despite being a female. Which probably explains why I tend to understand guys better (and thus make really great friends with most of them) than ladies, and why I am so confused when it comes to someone who isn't the typical average guy.

So many questions, unanswered. Or perhaps, I am just afraid to discover the answers.

x`p
8:28 PM

- 0 shouts

Friday, September 08, 2006

I know I haven't been updating.
I know my MSN's been on busy-mode nearly always.
Things have snowballed, and I was standing in its path when it ran me down.

Money issues, self-confidence issues, dealing with people, forever trying to catch up on readings...so many of them, only one of me. All these have cleared up at last (except on the school work bit) and life's looking a little better for me.

Finally mastered the choreographed moves to Sexy Back! You guys rock la! Monday's first dance practice (after a week's rest from pageant training) was so disheartening because everybody wasn't in the mood to dance; the air-con was off so AS7 was horribly hot and stuffy; it was getting late and everybody was tired - I almost thought the dance had to be scraped. Today's practice was much much better; everybody mastered the steps - all it needs is polishing..final showdown at SportsBall.

Went for Loreal hairshow casting today, watching 3 skinny, made-up, super tall dolls (1 Eurasian, 1 Caucasian and 1 Asian) clutching at their portfolios and showcasing them to the lady-in-charge was, frankly, a little intidimating at first, but heck. Catwalk later in the evening turned out to be a disaster; as usual I can't seem to walk right. Morale's super low.

On a lighter note, I walked around Bugis Street and Parco with Kiat yesterday and bought myself a denim skirt (that finally fits me properly) for $23.90! A pretty cheap steal considering I nearly wanted to buy the one from Topshop that costs $66. But of course, I just had to fall in love with their black jacket at $109. Its freakin' high-fashion kind but its superrrr nice.

And here are a few random pics from Sports Bash. (:





Till Sports Ball. Meanwhile, the ever-increasing pile of readings beckons me over.

x`p
1:44 AM

- 0 shouts


| The Girl |
Twenty-two
Aquarian
Just bummin' around
With too much on her mind,
and too limited words to say.



| Living life, Loving it |
music, singing, gerberas, iridiscence, glass bottles, shot glasses, outdoors, sports, writing, milo-peng, earrings, gem stones, bikinis, food, denim skirts, indulgence.


| Reads |
Adrian
Alwyn
Astri
Boo Honk
Cai Xia
Chinying
Derrick
Hildra
Hong Yi
Huiyu
Jasmin
Joyce
Mel
Ming Zhen
Niccole
Nick
Nicole
Terrence
The Great Jer
Valerie
Weili




| Frozen in time |

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