It is always so fun to recall past relationships back in secondary school days when one is 14, 15 years old. Was talking to a friend of mine regarding our first boyfriend/girlfriend, and laughing over the unfortunate mishaps that happened back then. How one didn't know how to break up with a girl, how one doesn't know what to do in a relationship..haha. We all learn don't we?
Relationships are complicated matters. Best to take a break for a while now.
My two psychology papers were killers, I'm beginning to wonder why the hell I ever chose to major in Psyc in the first place. Just started wondering what I'm gonna do once my exams officially end on Tuesday. Nua around? Haha. Probably dive back to camps and start losing weight. What the hell, I need to get back to 2 sizes down again. Yes, that's how much I grew. boohoo.
Tired. Drained. Grumpy. Demoralised. I hate exams.
Sunday, April 17, 2005Relationships are complicated matters. Best to take a break for a while now.
My two psychology papers were killers, I'm beginning to wonder why the hell I ever chose to major in Psyc in the first place. Just started wondering what I'm gonna do once my exams officially end on Tuesday. Nua around? Haha. Probably dive back to camps and start losing weight. What the hell, I need to get back to 2 sizes down again. Yes, that's how much I grew. boohoo.
Tired. Drained. Grumpy. Demoralised. I hate exams.
Unable to concentrate on studying. I hate it when I get affected so badly by my piano students.
Music. Everytime I see the Dean Associate of Music I can't help but feel that he's giving me that look - the look that reminded me of my poor performance due to pathetic practice. Super bothered by it because I know I am of much more potential. My friend didn't get into NUS Conservatory of Music. And I thought she really had potential - unfortunately that doesn't seem to be what the Singapore government wants from us.
The NUS Conservatory of Music has a population of probably 90% from China, and 10% Singaporean. The tutors are 85% China, 3% Ang-Moh, the rest I don't know - of dubious background. The Dean is a Chinaman. Note the trend? NUS Conservatory of Music - set up to further establish music culture and cultivate potential musicians from Singapore, but in the end takes in plenty of non-Singaporean people, simply stated: people from China.
I know I'm gonna get slammed pretty soon for being such a anti-China person, but why..of all of them? Why even bother to attempt to cultivate Singaporean musicians when all the government does is to recruit in China people and grant them PRs just because they have talents that are not recognized within their own country but are seemingly bravo in Singapore? Why do people like me, musically inclined, a high grade achieved in piano, not try for the Conservatory? Why not Nangyang Academy of Fine Arts? The potential is there, why do we not seek to cultivate it and turn it into a talent?
Because if we are not the cream of the crop, there is no future for us if we pursue a music degree. Singaporeans are made to believe that way. Why spend tens of thousands every year on a specialised degree that does not guarantee success when one graduates? Leave the specialized jobs to foreigners, we Singaporeans had better stick to the more common jobs like those you see in Raffles Place.
The message is simple: be one of the best, and you'll get the money. Happens everywhere doesn't it? The ones with perfect grades (note: perfect) get the scholarships. The ones with near-perfect grades get the bursaries. Above-average ain't good enough, one must always be the best to get the rewards.
Average people like us? Normal jobs, normal pay, zero benefits. We have to pay for our education, we have to pay to enhance our results, we have to pay for everything we do. Show that you have the best brains and everything will be paid for you.
Why am I paid peanuts to cultivate music in my students when parents do not want to put in effort in their children's progress? What is the point of them coming once a week, for me to go through the same old pieces with them, same old scales with them..for me to nag at them to practise at home when parents don't really care what goes on in piano lessons? What's the point of spending just 15 minutes practising at home??????
Seriously, I cannot help but compare my piano lessons in the past with me teaching now. True enough, I pissed off my piano teacher real badly sometimes with my honky tonky music, but at least I produce fairly smooth-playing pieces at least once a month. Now? I am thankful to finally hear one piece of nice flowy music after one year. And that is that. Back to the same pattern of honky-tonky music again. Thank God for my Grade 4 student. At least I had a forte for slow pieces, at least I practise pieces that I like, at least I bothered to practise 1-2 hours per session!
Versus 15-30 minutes per practise session. Versus pieces that do not flow smoothly. Versus me not hearing a single relatively song-like piece without the student stopping to find his/her notes on the piano. I do not call that a song. I call that a mere practice glitch.
At least I bothered to pay attention during theory lessons. At least I bothered to do my homework. At least I bothered to learn along when my piano teacher demonstrates.
Versus looking around while I'm explaining theory. Versus no homework done. Versus taking me for granted when I attempt to show them one example on how to do certain questions. For goodness sake don't take it for granted that I will do your homework for you!
Utterly pissed. With added on stress from the exams, if I don't hear better playing next week, I'm gonna blow my top soon.
Friday, April 15, 2005Music. Everytime I see the Dean Associate of Music I can't help but feel that he's giving me that look - the look that reminded me of my poor performance due to pathetic practice. Super bothered by it because I know I am of much more potential. My friend didn't get into NUS Conservatory of Music. And I thought she really had potential - unfortunately that doesn't seem to be what the Singapore government wants from us.
The NUS Conservatory of Music has a population of probably 90% from China, and 10% Singaporean. The tutors are 85% China, 3% Ang-Moh, the rest I don't know - of dubious background. The Dean is a Chinaman. Note the trend? NUS Conservatory of Music - set up to further establish music culture and cultivate potential musicians from Singapore, but in the end takes in plenty of non-Singaporean people, simply stated: people from China.
I know I'm gonna get slammed pretty soon for being such a anti-China person, but why..of all of them? Why even bother to attempt to cultivate Singaporean musicians when all the government does is to recruit in China people and grant them PRs just because they have talents that are not recognized within their own country but are seemingly bravo in Singapore? Why do people like me, musically inclined, a high grade achieved in piano, not try for the Conservatory? Why not Nangyang Academy of Fine Arts? The potential is there, why do we not seek to cultivate it and turn it into a talent?
Because if we are not the cream of the crop, there is no future for us if we pursue a music degree. Singaporeans are made to believe that way. Why spend tens of thousands every year on a specialised degree that does not guarantee success when one graduates? Leave the specialized jobs to foreigners, we Singaporeans had better stick to the more common jobs like those you see in Raffles Place.
The message is simple: be one of the best, and you'll get the money. Happens everywhere doesn't it? The ones with perfect grades (note: perfect) get the scholarships. The ones with near-perfect grades get the bursaries. Above-average ain't good enough, one must always be the best to get the rewards.
Average people like us? Normal jobs, normal pay, zero benefits. We have to pay for our education, we have to pay to enhance our results, we have to pay for everything we do. Show that you have the best brains and everything will be paid for you.
Why am I paid peanuts to cultivate music in my students when parents do not want to put in effort in their children's progress? What is the point of them coming once a week, for me to go through the same old pieces with them, same old scales with them..for me to nag at them to practise at home when parents don't really care what goes on in piano lessons? What's the point of spending just 15 minutes practising at home??????
Seriously, I cannot help but compare my piano lessons in the past with me teaching now. True enough, I pissed off my piano teacher real badly sometimes with my honky tonky music, but at least I produce fairly smooth-playing pieces at least once a month. Now? I am thankful to finally hear one piece of nice flowy music after one year. And that is that. Back to the same pattern of honky-tonky music again. Thank God for my Grade 4 student. At least I had a forte for slow pieces, at least I practise pieces that I like, at least I bothered to practise 1-2 hours per session!
Versus 15-30 minutes per practise session. Versus pieces that do not flow smoothly. Versus me not hearing a single relatively song-like piece without the student stopping to find his/her notes on the piano. I do not call that a song. I call that a mere practice glitch.
At least I bothered to pay attention during theory lessons. At least I bothered to do my homework. At least I bothered to learn along when my piano teacher demonstrates.
Versus looking around while I'm explaining theory. Versus no homework done. Versus taking me for granted when I attempt to show them one example on how to do certain questions. For goodness sake don't take it for granted that I will do your homework for you!
Utterly pissed. With added on stress from the exams, if I don't hear better playing next week, I'm gonna blow my top soon.
I shouldn't be blogging when the exams are just round the corner. Its a damn irritating period now because I know I have tons of readings to cover and plenty to memorize as well. Thank God for 2 open book tests.
Super happy these few days. Because I have finally moved on in life, and threw the past behind me. I feel like I'm back in secondary school days, the days of infatuations and the little things he does to make you smile like a Cheshire cat. I don't know how you did it, its amazing.
(damn. such a wrong time to get distracted.)
Studying in the Central Lib is much more productive than in club room. Its really weird. The lights in the club room come on at 6pm, and go off at 7am. Meaning we spend the day sleeping and the night studying. Weird sleeping hours I have succumbed to.
Off to Cognitive Psychology. Pooi.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005Super happy these few days. Because I have finally moved on in life, and threw the past behind me. I feel like I'm back in secondary school days, the days of infatuations and the little things he does to make you smile like a Cheshire cat. I don't know how you did it, its amazing.
(damn. such a wrong time to get distracted.)
Studying in the Central Lib is much more productive than in club room. Its really weird. The lights in the club room come on at 6pm, and go off at 7am. Meaning we spend the day sleeping and the night studying. Weird sleeping hours I have succumbed to.
Off to Cognitive Psychology. Pooi.
| Your dating personality profile: Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active. Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. | Your date match profile: Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape. Stylish - You cannot put up with someone who is lacking in style. You want an original, someone with flare, someone with good taste. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. |
Your Top Ten Traits 1. Athletic 2. Stylish 3. Adventurous 4. Big-Hearted 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Religious 7. Sensual 8. Practical 9. Liberal 10. Intellectual | Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Athletic 2. Stylish 3. Practical 4. Adventurous 5. Religious 6. Conservative 7. Big-Hearted 8. Sensual 9. Funny 10. Wealthy/Ambitious |
...at Dating Diversions
Home for 4 consecutive nights and I'm feeling really good about it. Healthy food consumed at normal times (unlike in school where I have dinner at 10pm), no snacking in between, popiah for lunch, and plenty of milk to drink. Not to mention cheese cubes available at hand when I feel like munching. Its been a great weekend!
Back hurts though, from what I don't know. I want a massage!
I realise I blog more often when I'm home simply because I am not running around doing work like I do in school. As much as I like to go out and spend time with my friends, its good to be home to spend time alone once in a while (of course not all the time otherwise I'll be screaming boredom). Went for a nice long run today (yay!) but as usual my shins and calf muscles gave way...sigh. When are they ever gonna become better so that I can run more than 5km without dying of pain?
Exams are coming, but I'm still smiling away, especially when someone totally unexpected is so nice to talk to. After all the shit that happened earlier in the year, its really good to feel this way again.
Saturday, April 09, 2005Back hurts though, from what I don't know. I want a massage!
I realise I blog more often when I'm home simply because I am not running around doing work like I do in school. As much as I like to go out and spend time with my friends, its good to be home to spend time alone once in a while (of course not all the time otherwise I'll be screaming boredom). Went for a nice long run today (yay!) but as usual my shins and calf muscles gave way...sigh. When are they ever gonna become better so that I can run more than 5km without dying of pain?
Exams are coming, but I'm still smiling away, especially when someone totally unexpected is so nice to talk to. After all the shit that happened earlier in the year, its really good to feel this way again.
I need a good back massage.
And a cure for my deranged self for this past week, and will probably continue on for quite a while. *silly grin* And more retail theraphy.
Celebrated Fiona's birthday at The Line @ Shangri-la, its really a peek into a tai-tai's life, lunch buffet at your own pace, signing away on your card, and going shopping after that. Woohoo. Bought a Rip-Curl travel bag (finally to dump all my rubbish in) as well as an almost similar Rip-curl laptop cover, and I'm in love with my purchases. And I did try very very hard to resist trying on this nice boardshorts from Rip-Curl as well. TopShop has the most wonderful tops I've ever seen and I'm so very tempted to grab them immediately after exams. Someone had better stop me!
Its time to get down to my assignment and studies. Grarrr.
Thursday, April 07, 2005And a cure for my deranged self for this past week, and will probably continue on for quite a while. *silly grin* And more retail theraphy.
Celebrated Fiona's birthday at The Line @ Shangri-la, its really a peek into a tai-tai's life, lunch buffet at your own pace, signing away on your card, and going shopping after that. Woohoo. Bought a Rip-Curl travel bag (finally to dump all my rubbish in) as well as an almost similar Rip-curl laptop cover, and I'm in love with my purchases. And I did try very very hard to resist trying on this nice boardshorts from Rip-Curl as well. TopShop has the most wonderful tops I've ever seen and I'm so very tempted to grab them immediately after exams. Someone had better stop me!
Its time to get down to my assignment and studies. Grarrr.
Weird sleeping hours at 5am in the morning and waking up at 12+pm to go for lessons.
Is this what I am going to face for the remainin years of my university life?
I hate playing guessing games. I hate it when I am being nice but the person does not show even the slighest acknowledgement to my attempt at being friendly. I have gotten over it, haven't you? Maybe I haven't. Because I went back that day, I spent the whole afternoon in a dream about you. When I haven't dreamt for a bloody long time. *sulks* That is it. I quit. Not going to be a silly girl again. Not going to bang on a door that will not open to me.
I hate being unappreciated. End of story.
New friends, curiousity triggered. Because you are so funny to talk to, unexpectedly.
Supper at Bukit Timah - Teochew porridge with superb side dishes. Mmmmmm~ On my way back I was wondering: life spent like this with the Sports Club people, how would it be if I ever move to a new environment next semester? Are they going to be conveniently forgotten while I am once again too caught up in my new life? I met a few great friends from Neutron, from Sports Club..it is sad to see everybody unable to catch up with one another simply because of other commitments in their lives. Will the same happen to 25th MC? Because I am definitely not going to re-run again unless I don't get a hall to stay. Many nights spent with Sharon/Sean/Sueann/ZY/Sha-k/Tuul/Tong etc..bathing times with Sharon..how many stories I got to hear just by hanging around..will these be left as part of my memories of uni life?
Scattered memories drift through the air, whilst I stumble through my life. But I know as busy as I chose my life to be, I will never regret it for its variety - as compared to those who simply go to school, attend lessons, go home..and repeat the damn sequence over and over again.
"You were meant for me" - something I do not dare believe any longer. Because I'm afraid to.
Thanks Darren, for listening. Though I wanted to whine somemore, but there is no use going on and on about such things.
Saturday, April 02, 2005Is this what I am going to face for the remainin years of my university life?
I hate playing guessing games. I hate it when I am being nice but the person does not show even the slighest acknowledgement to my attempt at being friendly. I have gotten over it, haven't you? Maybe I haven't. Because I went back that day, I spent the whole afternoon in a dream about you. When I haven't dreamt for a bloody long time. *sulks* That is it. I quit. Not going to be a silly girl again. Not going to bang on a door that will not open to me.
I hate being unappreciated. End of story.
New friends, curiousity triggered. Because you are so funny to talk to, unexpectedly.
Supper at Bukit Timah - Teochew porridge with superb side dishes. Mmmmmm~ On my way back I was wondering: life spent like this with the Sports Club people, how would it be if I ever move to a new environment next semester? Are they going to be conveniently forgotten while I am once again too caught up in my new life? I met a few great friends from Neutron, from Sports Club..it is sad to see everybody unable to catch up with one another simply because of other commitments in their lives. Will the same happen to 25th MC? Because I am definitely not going to re-run again unless I don't get a hall to stay. Many nights spent with Sharon/Sean/Sueann/ZY/Sha-k/Tuul/Tong etc..bathing times with Sharon..how many stories I got to hear just by hanging around..will these be left as part of my memories of uni life?
Scattered memories drift through the air, whilst I stumble through my life. But I know as busy as I chose my life to be, I will never regret it for its variety - as compared to those who simply go to school, attend lessons, go home..and repeat the damn sequence over and over again.
"You were meant for me" - something I do not dare believe any longer. Because I'm afraid to.
Thanks Darren, for listening. Though I wanted to whine somemore, but there is no use going on and on about such things.
The Bachelor of Music degree seems so tempting.
Xiao Pei, attained Bachelor of Music degree, as well as Bachelor of Arts degree (Psychology). *slaps herself* Stop dreaming, pei.
Such hectic, scary life now in NUS - watching people study so hard for tests only to oversleep then having to buy MCs simply because the test was a 40% of final grade, tons of assignments due with sleepless nights in the clubroom, scurrying to Arts Fac to dump the assignment in the locker just before the dateline. And it goes on, even when the exams are just round the corner.
I simply cannot wait for the 3 months holiday to come. I want back to go back to outdoors as a camp instructor/facilitator, I want to go blading like every day I'm free, I want to do plenty of things.
Not to mention Sea Sports Camp, Pre-Camps and Sports Camp.
I'll be brown again.
Quarter-finals at Tampines Stadium: Jupitans vs Titans. A pity I couldn't play..for some lame reason - my grandpa's 80th birthday celebration/dinner at Fort Canning. Speech and stuff. (like..whatever.)
Weekends back home with a lovely mum, a welcoming bed, and a good reason to laze around and watch TV. I brought minimal work home. Yay. Even instant noodles taste better at home.
Xiao Pei, attained Bachelor of Music degree, as well as Bachelor of Arts degree (Psychology). *slaps herself* Stop dreaming, pei.
Such hectic, scary life now in NUS - watching people study so hard for tests only to oversleep then having to buy MCs simply because the test was a 40% of final grade, tons of assignments due with sleepless nights in the clubroom, scurrying to Arts Fac to dump the assignment in the locker just before the dateline. And it goes on, even when the exams are just round the corner.
I simply cannot wait for the 3 months holiday to come. I want back to go back to outdoors as a camp instructor/facilitator, I want to go blading like every day I'm free, I want to do plenty of things.
Not to mention Sea Sports Camp, Pre-Camps and Sports Camp.
I'll be brown again.
Quarter-finals at Tampines Stadium: Jupitans vs Titans. A pity I couldn't play..for some lame reason - my grandpa's 80th birthday celebration/dinner at Fort Canning. Speech and stuff. (like..whatever.)
Weekends back home with a lovely mum, a welcoming bed, and a good reason to laze around and watch TV. I brought minimal work home. Yay. Even instant noodles taste better at home.