Damn I gotta stop looking at the phone all the time hoping for a miracle incoming-sms.
This sucks.
But no, I am NOT going to sink into depression just because of that... *flips through phonebook* I shall dine with everybody I haven't met up for a loonnnngggggg time. Speaking of the damn phonebook, I haven't got down to keying in every entry manually into this new phonebook of mine.
Note to self:
1. Complete entries in phonebook.
2. 2 months before students have to sit for Grade 1 piano (and omg! they are so behind time!!!)
3. Sleep early, run more.
4. Takashimaya to collect exam syllabus so that I can start practising and annoy the whole neighbourhood with my piano.
5. Anybody wants to go Korea with me after the June holidays end? (note again: source for cheap lobangs)
Monday, March 29, 2004This sucks.
But no, I am NOT going to sink into depression just because of that... *flips through phonebook* I shall dine with everybody I haven't met up for a loonnnngggggg time. Speaking of the damn phonebook, I haven't got down to keying in every entry manually into this new phonebook of mine.
Note to self:
1. Complete entries in phonebook.
2. 2 months before students have to sit for Grade 1 piano (and omg! they are so behind time!!!)
3. Sleep early, run more.
4. Takashimaya to collect exam syllabus so that I can start practising and annoy the whole neighbourhood with my piano.
5. Anybody wants to go Korea with me after the June holidays end? (note again: source for cheap lobangs)
Many thoughts were running through my head when I went for a jog just now.
This routine of mine has become the time where I de-stress from work, and to straighten out my thoughts before I head home for the day. Today, it was plainly one thing - he's heading into NS tomorrow. Why do I see it as the end of everything instead of a fresh start into the next phase of my life? I have been trying to hold on to those precious few days I have left with a "free" him, but why didn't I look at the larger picture and see it as an opportunity to have the best of both worlds - to enjoy the company of him as well as my friends? Silly me.
Being an only child is lonely. I do not wish to experience loneliness again.
Sad? Not really. I don't know how to put it, but I'll miss having a person there for me to whine to whenever I need a really patient listener. The thought of it makes my lower lip tremble.
Ming dear, thanks for listening to me for that short while, and for what you said. *hugs*
And Happy [19th] Birthday XH! :)
Of course, rubbing my hand over a botak head felt damn shiok. Its like sitting on those kinda carpet grass you know? *grin* Its hard not to start thinking. Been having really weird dreams these days, its like...they reflect what I really felt about the world around me, my deepest emotion...and its rather disturbing. I'm thinking far too much. I better stop.
And take good care of yourself in there. See you again.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004This routine of mine has become the time where I de-stress from work, and to straighten out my thoughts before I head home for the day. Today, it was plainly one thing - he's heading into NS tomorrow. Why do I see it as the end of everything instead of a fresh start into the next phase of my life? I have been trying to hold on to those precious few days I have left with a "free" him, but why didn't I look at the larger picture and see it as an opportunity to have the best of both worlds - to enjoy the company of him as well as my friends? Silly me.
Being an only child is lonely. I do not wish to experience loneliness again.
Sad? Not really. I don't know how to put it, but I'll miss having a person there for me to whine to whenever I need a really patient listener. The thought of it makes my lower lip tremble.
Ming dear, thanks for listening to me for that short while, and for what you said. *hugs*
And Happy [19th] Birthday XH! :)
Of course, rubbing my hand over a botak head felt damn shiok. Its like sitting on those kinda carpet grass you know? *grin* Its hard not to start thinking. Been having really weird dreams these days, its like...they reflect what I really felt about the world around me, my deepest emotion...and its rather disturbing. I'm thinking far too much. I better stop.
And take good care of yourself in there. See you again.
Say I'm crazy, but being a red-head is putting me in a better mood these days. *beams*
I've come to accept that I'll never have a body like those models, because I was never born with it. I'm happy with myself now, at long last. It has taken me so long to feel this satisfaction within me, something I haven't felt for a long time. I'm really happy. :)
I've acknowledged that my IQ standard will be only this high, and I'll be the average person in society. Sure, I may strive to improve, but I am contented with my performance, at last once again.
I'm finally coming to peace with myself. I no longer expect so much from myself, I do not strive to be the best and the only the best anymore. I am allowing myself to have fun.
Wow. And it really feels good. I feel as if I have heaved off a huge load off my shoulders. I am walking straighter, facing the world head up.
Okay, back to my favourite topic : clothes.
Yes, I went hunting for the perfect jeans with William on Sunday around Tampines area. I am never going to fit into Levi's jeans because their largest sizes are like W28, cannot squeeze in lah. Then I tried Lawman ladies cut..their bootcut is not bad, but its a little tight and showing my butt crack like nobody's business. Finally, the (aww-so-nice) sales-lady offered me men's cutting (don't you dare laugh) since I didn't want such a low cut. Surprisingly, the jeans were a perfect fit - perfect length that reaches my feet and not my ankles and they make my hips look smaller. Maybe..maybe those jeans will enter my wardrobe. *ponders* But I still can't believe that I have to resort to wearing men's cutting. Gosh.
I'm itching to change my blog layout again.
Friday, March 19, 2004I've come to accept that I'll never have a body like those models, because I was never born with it. I'm happy with myself now, at long last. It has taken me so long to feel this satisfaction within me, something I haven't felt for a long time. I'm really happy. :)
I've acknowledged that my IQ standard will be only this high, and I'll be the average person in society. Sure, I may strive to improve, but I am contented with my performance, at last once again.
I'm finally coming to peace with myself. I no longer expect so much from myself, I do not strive to be the best and the only the best anymore. I am allowing myself to have fun.
Wow. And it really feels good. I feel as if I have heaved off a huge load off my shoulders. I am walking straighter, facing the world head up.
Okay, back to my favourite topic : clothes.
Yes, I went hunting for the perfect jeans with William on Sunday around Tampines area. I am never going to fit into Levi's jeans because their largest sizes are like W28, cannot squeeze in lah. Then I tried Lawman ladies cut..their bootcut is not bad, but its a little tight and showing my butt crack like nobody's business. Finally, the (aww-so-nice) sales-lady offered me men's cutting (don't you dare laugh) since I didn't want such a low cut. Surprisingly, the jeans were a perfect fit - perfect length that reaches my feet and not my ankles and they make my hips look smaller. Maybe..maybe those jeans will enter my wardrobe. *ponders* But I still can't believe that I have to resort to wearing men's cutting. Gosh.
I'm itching to change my blog layout again.
Yes, I look as white as a ghost.
BUT that's not the point. :)
Anyway, I realise men haven't got much variety of clothes to wear. In my office, its basically white, blue, gray for most guys and a few adventurous ones will try purple, pink, red. That's all. How boring. Heck, if I were a guy I wouldn't know what to wear either. My wardrobe will be repetition after repetition. The same goes for shoes. Just look at the ladies. Killer heels, 4-3-2-1 half inches, wedge, thong slippers, tie up sandals, open toe sandals, flip flops, pointed heels, court shoes etc etc. Men? Its just, "shoes". Period.
Its good to be born a female sometimes. Especially when we are spoiled with such variety.
My mum is starting to drop hints on her birthday gift. Its rather obvious she wants me to sponsor her next pair of spectacles, complete with frameless glasses in grayish shade, multicoated lenses that do not reflect, corrected vision to aid her lao hua yan and myopia and astigmatism and goodness knows what else. All I know is, all adds up to about $300++.
Help.
Tomorrow's the weekend, rejoice!
I'm a red-head now!
Yeah, if that isn't big enough a hint, I changed my hair colour. It started out with me accompanying my colleague to dye her hair at Colourhouse (Wheelock's), only to succumb to temptation and thus changed my hair to bright red streaks with mahogany red base. *shrugs* Red is my thang now I guess. Hahahah!
Met Daryl..yes you lucky dude, you are the first to see my hair and no its so not pink. *grin*
And Mr Chung, but that idiot chose to ignore me when I called out to him. PRETEND he didn't see me, didn't hear me...happily chatted with his table partner and stared at the menu...*mumbles*
Ladidadida. I'm a happy soul. Retail theraphy works alll the time.
And the weekend is coming. No piano lessons this Sunday, double bonus! I'm a happy happy girl!
Friday, March 12, 2004Yeah, if that isn't big enough a hint, I changed my hair colour. It started out with me accompanying my colleague to dye her hair at Colourhouse (Wheelock's), only to succumb to temptation and thus changed my hair to bright red streaks with mahogany red base. *shrugs* Red is my thang now I guess. Hahahah!
Met Daryl..yes you lucky dude, you are the first to see my hair and no its so not pink. *grin*
And Mr Chung, but that idiot chose to ignore me when I called out to him. PRETEND he didn't see me, didn't hear me...happily chatted with his table partner and stared at the menu...*mumbles*
Ladidadida. I'm a happy soul. Retail theraphy works alll the time.
And the weekend is coming. No piano lessons this Sunday, double bonus! I'm a happy happy girl!
Got this off Astri's blog. :)
What were you doing before this? Writing an essay.
Where are you? In my bedroom.
What are you wearing? TJ shorts and TKGS class t-shirt.
How long ago since you had your last meal? 17 hours ago.
What made you decide to answer these questions? Because I'm sick and therefore stuck at home and thus bored.
How old are you? 19.
How old do you think you really are? I feel 80-ish now.
Chocolate or strawberry? CHOCOLATE!
Classical, rock or country? I'm okay with all, really depends on my mood.
Introvert or extrovert? Introvert when I'm intellectually challenged, extrovert rest of the time.
Optimistic or pessimistic? Both I suppose.
What time do you wake up everyday? *groans* It has become 7am in the morning for work-days and 8+, 9am on Saturdays (because I want to run) and 8+am on Sundays because I need to teach. WHERE ARE MY WAKING-UP-LATE DAYS????
What time do you go to sleep? *groans again* 11pm-12mn. My biological clock has been working real well these days.
Do you eat breakfast? Yep, especially now I have a wide range of breakfast to choose from. Teh-si, kaya toast, ice milo, fried noodles, egg toast, char-siew puff etc etc.
Are you superstitious? Nope. I love black cats. I'm not strong enough to break mirrors. I still sweep the floor on CNY. What else?
What's your fave sport? I guess its bowling and ice-skating, though I'm so not excelling in them.
What's your fashion style like? Mostly denims these days especially when I get tired of looking like an adult in working clothes. Usually denim skirt and something top, or slacks and a sleeveless top.
What is one thing about you that you are most proud of? Hmm. My sometimes bossy self, because I can get things done.
What are the languages you speak? Mainly English. My spoken Chinese is never good, and I don't know any dialects, except learning how to understand Hainan but not to speak the dialect.
If u can be anything you want to be (money, location, etc aside) who would you be? A sound engineer. Which brings us back to reality again - how big is the job market for this? *sigh*
What is your all time fave song/movie/book? I still love orchestra/band music after all these years, movies..erm. Still those fantastical movies like LOTR (I can't remember the rest. Its this genre one la), book. Yikes. Too many.
What do you look forward to the most everyday? 6pm. *grin* That's the work-is-over!-time. Maybe I should go "I look forward to seeing the sun set and therefore know a new day will begin in 6 hours time". Rigggghtttt.
Name 5 things you wish to teach your kids.
1. The importance of having a family.
2. Materialism. The bads of it.
3. Approach life with a curious mind.
4. Self-acceptance.
5. Independence.
Name 5 things in life that you absolutely dislike.
1. Smoking, drugs, etc.
2. Unfairness in life.
3. Social irritants.
4. Periods. (I'm not kidding.)
5. Immaturity
Name some of the things you wish to possess. Beauty AND Brain. *grin* A talent in sports and music. A less doubtful self.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette or The Apprentice? what? I never liked reality TV.
If u can be an inanimate object, what would you be? If I can choose not to be, I wouldn't be one. Well, a lamp will be fine. I'll just light up everybody's lives. Ha-ha.
What is the one best decision you've made so far in your life? To forget about Victoria JC and just enrol into TJC.
If you have to choose a color to represent you, which one would it be? This is so literature-ish. Green I suppose. A colour of envy, deep sea green, hidden expressions and nature.
Arts or Science? Excuuuuse me. Arts definitely.
Do you believe in Karma? EN-OH, NO.
Do you believe in astrology? Lying on my back and looking at constellations and praying it won't be a cloudy night? No.
What's the dumbest purchase you've ever made? This below-the-knee skirt that made my legs look super bowed..yikes. *sulks*
Are there any misconceptions about your gender that you would like to clarify? If yes, what are they? One: There's a bitch in everyone of us. Including you males. Two: Grumpy doesn't equal to having PMS. Three: Rebonded hair doesn't suit us all. so there.
Is there any bad habit you have that you wish to change? Too many!
What do you think is the greatest invention in the past century? 19th century? Don't know la.
What is the greatest internet function? Erm. Email and Instant Msging. Oh, search engines!
Teddy bears, they are...getting bigger and bigger in size as the years go by just because guys think that every girl wants to be seen struggling with this life-size bear on the streets given by her darling boyfriend. They are not-cute.
Men, they are...just as hard to understand as us females.
Budget stores, they are...the This Fashion outlets in Singapore. Which equals = clothes that are lacy or made ugly by having rubbish sewn on to them.
Hollywood stars, they are...basically normal people but having enough money to spend on slimming centres, anti-ageing products, plastic surgery, expensive make-up to cover up boo-boos.
Fast foods, they are...unhealthy, over-priced and getting smaller in portion.
Describe yourself in three words. Glad its over.
What do you plan to do after this? Finish up my essay.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004What were you doing before this? Writing an essay.
Where are you? In my bedroom.
What are you wearing? TJ shorts and TKGS class t-shirt.
How long ago since you had your last meal? 17 hours ago.
What made you decide to answer these questions? Because I'm sick and therefore stuck at home and thus bored.
How old are you? 19.
How old do you think you really are? I feel 80-ish now.
Chocolate or strawberry? CHOCOLATE!
Classical, rock or country? I'm okay with all, really depends on my mood.
Introvert or extrovert? Introvert when I'm intellectually challenged, extrovert rest of the time.
Optimistic or pessimistic? Both I suppose.
What time do you wake up everyday? *groans* It has become 7am in the morning for work-days and 8+, 9am on Saturdays (because I want to run) and 8+am on Sundays because I need to teach. WHERE ARE MY WAKING-UP-LATE DAYS????
What time do you go to sleep? *groans again* 11pm-12mn. My biological clock has been working real well these days.
Do you eat breakfast? Yep, especially now I have a wide range of breakfast to choose from. Teh-si, kaya toast, ice milo, fried noodles, egg toast, char-siew puff etc etc.
Are you superstitious? Nope. I love black cats. I'm not strong enough to break mirrors. I still sweep the floor on CNY. What else?
What's your fave sport? I guess its bowling and ice-skating, though I'm so not excelling in them.
What's your fashion style like? Mostly denims these days especially when I get tired of looking like an adult in working clothes. Usually denim skirt and something top, or slacks and a sleeveless top.
What is one thing about you that you are most proud of? Hmm. My sometimes bossy self, because I can get things done.
What are the languages you speak? Mainly English. My spoken Chinese is never good, and I don't know any dialects, except learning how to understand Hainan but not to speak the dialect.
If u can be anything you want to be (money, location, etc aside) who would you be? A sound engineer. Which brings us back to reality again - how big is the job market for this? *sigh*
What is your all time fave song/movie/book? I still love orchestra/band music after all these years, movies..erm. Still those fantastical movies like LOTR (I can't remember the rest. Its this genre one la), book. Yikes. Too many.
What do you look forward to the most everyday? 6pm. *grin* That's the work-is-over!-time. Maybe I should go "I look forward to seeing the sun set and therefore know a new day will begin in 6 hours time". Rigggghtttt.
Name 5 things you wish to teach your kids.
1. The importance of having a family.
2. Materialism. The bads of it.
3. Approach life with a curious mind.
4. Self-acceptance.
5. Independence.
Name 5 things in life that you absolutely dislike.
1. Smoking, drugs, etc.
2. Unfairness in life.
3. Social irritants.
4. Periods. (I'm not kidding.)
5. Immaturity
Name some of the things you wish to possess. Beauty AND Brain. *grin* A talent in sports and music. A less doubtful self.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette or The Apprentice? what? I never liked reality TV.
If u can be an inanimate object, what would you be? If I can choose not to be, I wouldn't be one. Well, a lamp will be fine. I'll just light up everybody's lives. Ha-ha.
What is the one best decision you've made so far in your life? To forget about Victoria JC and just enrol into TJC.
If you have to choose a color to represent you, which one would it be? This is so literature-ish. Green I suppose. A colour of envy, deep sea green, hidden expressions and nature.
Arts or Science? Excuuuuse me. Arts definitely.
Do you believe in Karma? EN-OH, NO.
Do you believe in astrology? Lying on my back and looking at constellations and praying it won't be a cloudy night? No.
What's the dumbest purchase you've ever made? This below-the-knee skirt that made my legs look super bowed..yikes. *sulks*
Are there any misconceptions about your gender that you would like to clarify? If yes, what are they? One: There's a bitch in everyone of us. Including you males. Two: Grumpy doesn't equal to having PMS. Three: Rebonded hair doesn't suit us all. so there.
Is there any bad habit you have that you wish to change? Too many!
What do you think is the greatest invention in the past century? 19th century? Don't know la.
What is the greatest internet function? Erm. Email and Instant Msging. Oh, search engines!
Teddy bears, they are...getting bigger and bigger in size as the years go by just because guys think that every girl wants to be seen struggling with this life-size bear on the streets given by her darling boyfriend. They are not-cute.
Men, they are...just as hard to understand as us females.
Budget stores, they are...the This Fashion outlets in Singapore. Which equals = clothes that are lacy or made ugly by having rubbish sewn on to them.
Hollywood stars, they are...basically normal people but having enough money to spend on slimming centres, anti-ageing products, plastic surgery, expensive make-up to cover up boo-boos.
Fast foods, they are...unhealthy, over-priced and getting smaller in portion.
Describe yourself in three words. Glad its over.
What do you plan to do after this? Finish up my essay.
I SIMPLY CANNOT STAND THE IDIOTS WHO FIRE UP THEIR PATHETIC MOTORS INSTALLED ON THEIR BICYCLES JUST TO VROOM AROUND THE PARK AND POLLUTE THE FRESH AIR.
Yes, the bitch in me is coming back just to talk, no, not talk...bitch about this matter. I was into a nice rhythm on my 2nd round around the track, feeling all good, when this (probably) 13 year old bastard decided to vrrrrooooom past me, leaving behind an echo of his high pitched delighted yell and a coughing me when I inhaled in the exhaust fumes. I mean, hello? If you have a motorcycle-like vehicle you ought to hit the roads and go at top speed without running into obstacles. Not the park! Everybody is running/cycling/stretching and there this stupid boy decides to show off his ghastly bicycle + motor = motor-bicycle to...to...joggers. And furthermore, riding this damn thing reminds me of those old men who are too tired/lazy/fat to pedal and make their bodies work and hence, installed a motor to aid their tired old aching legs. Of course, that boy was fat. I should have known. With the money spent on that thang, he wouldn't be using much of his muscles.
There, I'm done. I hope his handlebars are dented after digging me under the ribs. I'll personally carve his kidney out for a transplant if those handlebars destroyed my right kidney.
Saturday, March 06, 2004Yes, the bitch in me is coming back just to talk, no, not talk...bitch about this matter. I was into a nice rhythm on my 2nd round around the track, feeling all good, when this (probably) 13 year old bastard decided to vrrrrooooom past me, leaving behind an echo of his high pitched delighted yell and a coughing me when I inhaled in the exhaust fumes. I mean, hello? If you have a motorcycle-like vehicle you ought to hit the roads and go at top speed without running into obstacles. Not the park! Everybody is running/cycling/stretching and there this stupid boy decides to show off his ghastly bicycle + motor = motor-bicycle to...to...joggers. And furthermore, riding this damn thing reminds me of those old men who are too tired/lazy/fat to pedal and make their bodies work and hence, installed a motor to aid their tired old aching legs. Of course, that boy was fat. I should have known. With the money spent on that thang, he wouldn't be using much of his muscles.
There, I'm done. I hope his handlebars are dented after digging me under the ribs. I'll personally carve his kidney out for a transplant if those handlebars destroyed my right kidney.
Went to Pasta Fresca with him yesterday. It was, well, food theraphy for me. The food was...mmmm, simply heavenly. *thumbs up once more*
To sum it all up for Friday, 5th of March 2004, I felt really cheated.
I started out at the front, only to be the last to finish.
Tell me, how else can I measure the degree of disappointment felt? Maybe, I deserved it, given my low IQ low EQ low common sense low everything.
*shrugs* I do not look forward to going to work on Monday.
And, I feel like quitting my job.
Thanks to all who have gave me words of comfort; I'll just have to stop thinking and get on with life.
Thank you for being there for me, as always.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004To sum it all up for Friday, 5th of March 2004, I felt really cheated.
I started out at the front, only to be the last to finish.
Tell me, how else can I measure the degree of disappointment felt? Maybe, I deserved it, given my low IQ low EQ low common sense low everything.
*shrugs* I do not look forward to going to work on Monday.
And, I feel like quitting my job.
Thanks to all who have gave me words of comfort; I'll just have to stop thinking and get on with life.
Thank you for being there for me, as always.
I saw a 50+ year old woman today at Raffles MRT station, strutting around with flaming red hair, platform sandals of about...5 to 6 inches high, pink hot pants, flowery spaghetti straps, 6 gold rings on the right ear and 4 ear-studs on the left. *omg*
Even I don't dare to be as hip as her.
Job on hand now is so mundane, so menial (is that how you spell it?) that I'm starting to consider quitting this job. Damn.
Each day is so precious to me, before I'll have to adapt to just seeing him once a week, or less.
*sigh*
Even I don't dare to be as hip as her.
Job on hand now is so mundane, so menial (is that how you spell it?) that I'm starting to consider quitting this job. Damn.
Each day is so precious to me, before I'll have to adapt to just seeing him once a week, or less.
*sigh*