What beats a great time out, eating desserts till your stomach is going to explode, tell me, what can better end that day?
Nothing. I came back with a smile on my face, thinking it is going to be a great night's sleep and tomorrow will be a great training. I was wrong.
I came back to find an email waiting for me in the inbox, sent as a mass mailer to my floorball team. You know how people always tell me, "Don't think so much, really. Maybe you just misinterpret the way he phrases things."
Try as I might, I cannot forget the feeling of warming the bench last year. True enough, I got legitimate reasons for that, but bench is bench and the harsh reality of life is very very real. That email announced the lines for tomorrow's friendly. I read it, and wonder why I have never got a proper place for myself in the team. The rules have changed, and like any other coach, he wants results. I am not an asset to the team, I shouldn't be in at all. Yes, and so it is.
Brings me back to the period of time I considered quitting and moving on, when I finally accepted that I was never much of a team-sport person. That feeling is back. Then again, it is my last season, my last year before I drop the sport altogether. Will I get that chance?
Perhaps I never really belonged in the first place. I've gotten the "I don't want you as my forward/defence partner" part; I've gotten the "The ideal line will be you, you, you, she and me" but my name was never inside; I've stayed by the sidelines and watched them chat; I've gotten it all. Just when I thought I've plunged six feet and hit bottom hard (and managed to get a little bounced out of it), they shoved the stopper right onto me.
I could not bring myself to work on last year's season's debrief. The fear has came back, strong as ever. More work does not equate to higher chance of success anymore, it is all about talent and the likes. Lousy excuse, you may say..but its fucken' true. I've worked damn hard for my grades but all I got was simply average - I went to university without a scholarship, to a normal course, attained normal grades and soon I am going to graduate with a normal degree, get a normal job and draw a normal pay. Same goes for sports. I train 2 years to attain a results they achieve in 2 months, 2 hours to achieve something one masters in 2 minutes - tell me, why must every damn thing take so long?
Save your comments. Its going to be the usual, "So long you've tried your best, you've succeeded already" and the likes. I haven't had the time to try my best with the amount of school work we all get, I've only tried damn hard, but I still ain't getting it. 1 more month to prove myself worthy. Will I make the cut?
Let's see.
Nothing. I came back with a smile on my face, thinking it is going to be a great night's sleep and tomorrow will be a great training. I was wrong.
I came back to find an email waiting for me in the inbox, sent as a mass mailer to my floorball team. You know how people always tell me, "Don't think so much, really. Maybe you just misinterpret the way he phrases things."
Try as I might, I cannot forget the feeling of warming the bench last year. True enough, I got legitimate reasons for that, but bench is bench and the harsh reality of life is very very real. That email announced the lines for tomorrow's friendly. I read it, and wonder why I have never got a proper place for myself in the team. The rules have changed, and like any other coach, he wants results. I am not an asset to the team, I shouldn't be in at all. Yes, and so it is.
Brings me back to the period of time I considered quitting and moving on, when I finally accepted that I was never much of a team-sport person. That feeling is back. Then again, it is my last season, my last year before I drop the sport altogether. Will I get that chance?
Perhaps I never really belonged in the first place. I've gotten the "I don't want you as my forward/defence partner" part; I've gotten the "The ideal line will be you, you, you, she and me" but my name was never inside; I've stayed by the sidelines and watched them chat; I've gotten it all. Just when I thought I've plunged six feet and hit bottom hard (and managed to get a little bounced out of it), they shoved the stopper right onto me.
I could not bring myself to work on last year's season's debrief. The fear has came back, strong as ever. More work does not equate to higher chance of success anymore, it is all about talent and the likes. Lousy excuse, you may say..but its fucken' true. I've worked damn hard for my grades but all I got was simply average - I went to university without a scholarship, to a normal course, attained normal grades and soon I am going to graduate with a normal degree, get a normal job and draw a normal pay. Same goes for sports. I train 2 years to attain a results they achieve in 2 months, 2 hours to achieve something one masters in 2 minutes - tell me, why must every damn thing take so long?
Save your comments. Its going to be the usual, "So long you've tried your best, you've succeeded already" and the likes. I haven't had the time to try my best with the amount of school work we all get, I've only tried damn hard, but I still ain't getting it. 1 more month to prove myself worthy. Will I make the cut?
Let's see.