It has been a month. A month since I decided to be selfish enough to pursue my own life and neglect everything else. A month since that decision, and the gash I left behind is still throbbing and raw. I shiver at the thought of it; how could a simple few words leave behind a catastrophe of emotions, lyrical words and tears? How could I be so capable of ruining "happiness"?
Life seems full for me. I am doing what I love, what I want, what I yearn. I focus more on school work, I have my furballs to pamper - yet it doesn't feel right. Guilt? Lost? Confusion? A nagging voice at the back of my head saying, "So what? You are doing so many things, but what satisfaction do you derive out of it?" Or maybe, "After all that, what do you end up with? An empty pocket and an empty heart."
I do not want a relationship. It is too much of a burden, too much of an expectation, too suffocating, too overwhelming. A relationship requires commitment, and I cannot have you taking up an entire space in my heart. A relationship requires responsibility, and I cannot account for the many things I do now. A relationship requires attention, and I cannot give 100% attention to anything in my life now. I chose my life, my own future, my self-interest - I do not have space for anybody else special.
The mistake of plunging into an abyss without realising its depths, its lightless pathways, its secrets. We have all made that mistake one too many times. The treasures I hold, sit above reality's evils: practicality and cynicism. I am too practical, I am too cynical.
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Casting for ZoukOut 2006. To go, or not to?
Life seems full for me. I am doing what I love, what I want, what I yearn. I focus more on school work, I have my furballs to pamper - yet it doesn't feel right. Guilt? Lost? Confusion? A nagging voice at the back of my head saying, "So what? You are doing so many things, but what satisfaction do you derive out of it?" Or maybe, "After all that, what do you end up with? An empty pocket and an empty heart."
I do not want a relationship. It is too much of a burden, too much of an expectation, too suffocating, too overwhelming. A relationship requires commitment, and I cannot have you taking up an entire space in my heart. A relationship requires responsibility, and I cannot account for the many things I do now. A relationship requires attention, and I cannot give 100% attention to anything in my life now. I chose my life, my own future, my self-interest - I do not have space for anybody else special.
The mistake of plunging into an abyss without realising its depths, its lightless pathways, its secrets. We have all made that mistake one too many times. The treasures I hold, sit above reality's evils: practicality and cynicism. I am too practical, I am too cynical.
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Casting for ZoukOut 2006. To go, or not to?