Money is the root of all evil. So they say. But having lots of money solves plenty of problems easily too.
It is very sad that the mention of $285 seemingly robs a conversation of traces of friendship, for what I experienced was a pure business deal. It was partially my fault, but suddenly I am made to feel like I have to bear the brunt of everything. The tone I experienced was devoid of warmth and sympathy - then again that's the real world ain't it - and it was full of expectations for me to pay the full sum.
I ought to have treaded more carefully. In my desperation I had overlooked all these tiny details that were peeking out from under the carpet I have hastily swept through, and now they are all coming back in huge dust-balls that attempt to choke my air-passage. I feel hurt and regret, that we are all but too human.
I do not want an argument. I do not want a friendship to sour. Neither do I want to walk around in school, only to purposely turn my face away from her because of the above mentioned matter - $$. Similarly, I avoid..I run away from many ugly matters and potential arguments that sprung up in my life, simply because I do not like such things. I would compromise on my own happiness to see the other party satisfied, because I thought I could adapt.
Apparently not. Lately I've been feeling like a caged eagle, wanting to just do things my own way and stop living by other people's standards. But the irony of it all, oh the irony - if I were to do things my own way I'll inevitably upset a hell lot of other people and in turn it will upset me. So, I've learnt its all about compromise - and compromise means a little discomfort on my part that I have to live with. Funny I was able to cope with these in the past, but not now? Maybe I just had enough of it all.
I can hardly explain my character anymore. All I know I want to be happy, truly happy. But I don't know what will make me truly happy anymore, because my happiness hinges on both the things I yearn to do as well as on watching others around me be happy too. Combining both will be pretty impossible at present.
With so much going on in my mind/life, jogging has became an escape for me. I can think and think and think all I want but by the end of it all, my mind will be a complete blank. I run for the sheer pleasure of it because it takes me away from my phone, my laptop, my schoolwork, and I get to focus all my attention and energy on myself and my running kaki. Clocking longer distances and knowing I can do more brings out a more positive aspect of how I see myself, which seems to be only thing keeping me buoyant at this moment.
Not to mention the number of people who have been there for me all these while. I love you guys.
It is very sad that the mention of $285 seemingly robs a conversation of traces of friendship, for what I experienced was a pure business deal. It was partially my fault, but suddenly I am made to feel like I have to bear the brunt of everything. The tone I experienced was devoid of warmth and sympathy - then again that's the real world ain't it - and it was full of expectations for me to pay the full sum.
I ought to have treaded more carefully. In my desperation I had overlooked all these tiny details that were peeking out from under the carpet I have hastily swept through, and now they are all coming back in huge dust-balls that attempt to choke my air-passage. I feel hurt and regret, that we are all but too human.
I do not want an argument. I do not want a friendship to sour. Neither do I want to walk around in school, only to purposely turn my face away from her because of the above mentioned matter - $$. Similarly, I avoid..I run away from many ugly matters and potential arguments that sprung up in my life, simply because I do not like such things. I would compromise on my own happiness to see the other party satisfied, because I thought I could adapt.
Apparently not. Lately I've been feeling like a caged eagle, wanting to just do things my own way and stop living by other people's standards. But the irony of it all, oh the irony - if I were to do things my own way I'll inevitably upset a hell lot of other people and in turn it will upset me. So, I've learnt its all about compromise - and compromise means a little discomfort on my part that I have to live with. Funny I was able to cope with these in the past, but not now? Maybe I just had enough of it all.
I can hardly explain my character anymore. All I know I want to be happy, truly happy. But I don't know what will make me truly happy anymore, because my happiness hinges on both the things I yearn to do as well as on watching others around me be happy too. Combining both will be pretty impossible at present.
With so much going on in my mind/life, jogging has became an escape for me. I can think and think and think all I want but by the end of it all, my mind will be a complete blank. I run for the sheer pleasure of it because it takes me away from my phone, my laptop, my schoolwork, and I get to focus all my attention and energy on myself and my running kaki. Clocking longer distances and knowing I can do more brings out a more positive aspect of how I see myself, which seems to be only thing keeping me buoyant at this moment.
Not to mention the number of people who have been there for me all these while. I love you guys.