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Sunday, April 17, 2005

Unable to concentrate on studying. I hate it when I get affected so badly by my piano students.

Music. Everytime I see the Dean Associate of Music I can't help but feel that he's giving me that look - the look that reminded me of my poor performance due to pathetic practice. Super bothered by it because I know I am of much more potential. My friend didn't get into NUS Conservatory of Music. And I thought she really had potential - unfortunately that doesn't seem to be what the Singapore government wants from us.

The NUS Conservatory of Music has a population of probably 90% from China, and 10% Singaporean. The tutors are 85% China, 3% Ang-Moh, the rest I don't know - of dubious background. The Dean is a Chinaman. Note the trend? NUS Conservatory of Music - set up to further establish music culture and cultivate potential musicians from Singapore, but in the end takes in plenty of non-Singaporean people, simply stated: people from China.

I know I'm gonna get slammed pretty soon for being such a anti-China person, but why..of all of them? Why even bother to attempt to cultivate Singaporean musicians when all the government does is to recruit in China people and grant them PRs just because they have talents that are not recognized within their own country but are seemingly bravo in Singapore? Why do people like me, musically inclined, a high grade achieved in piano, not try for the Conservatory? Why not Nangyang Academy of Fine Arts? The potential is there, why do we not seek to cultivate it and turn it into a talent?

Because if we are not the cream of the crop, there is no future for us if we pursue a music degree. Singaporeans are made to believe that way. Why spend tens of thousands every year on a specialised degree that does not guarantee success when one graduates? Leave the specialized jobs to foreigners, we Singaporeans had better stick to the more common jobs like those you see in Raffles Place.

The message is simple: be one of the best, and you'll get the money. Happens everywhere doesn't it? The ones with perfect grades (note: perfect) get the scholarships. The ones with near-perfect grades get the bursaries. Above-average ain't good enough, one must always be the best to get the rewards.

Average people like us? Normal jobs, normal pay, zero benefits. We have to pay for our education, we have to pay to enhance our results, we have to pay for everything we do. Show that you have the best brains and everything will be paid for you.

Why am I paid peanuts to cultivate music in my students when parents do not want to put in effort in their children's progress? What is the point of them coming once a week, for me to go through the same old pieces with them, same old scales with them..for me to nag at them to practise at home when parents don't really care what goes on in piano lessons? What's the point of spending just 15 minutes practising at home??????

Seriously, I cannot help but compare my piano lessons in the past with me teaching now. True enough, I pissed off my piano teacher real badly sometimes with my honky tonky music, but at least I produce fairly smooth-playing pieces at least once a month. Now? I am thankful to finally hear one piece of nice flowy music after one year. And that is that. Back to the same pattern of honky-tonky music again. Thank God for my Grade 4 student. At least I had a forte for slow pieces, at least I practise pieces that I like, at least I bothered to practise 1-2 hours per session!

Versus 15-30 minutes per practise session. Versus pieces that do not flow smoothly. Versus me not hearing a single relatively song-like piece without the student stopping to find his/her notes on the piano. I do not call that a song. I call that a mere practice glitch.

At least I bothered to pay attention during theory lessons. At least I bothered to do my homework. At least I bothered to learn along when my piano teacher demonstrates.

Versus looking around while I'm explaining theory. Versus no homework done. Versus taking me for granted when I attempt to show them one example on how to do certain questions. For goodness sake don't take it for granted that I will do your homework for you!

Utterly pissed. With added on stress from the exams, if I don't hear better playing next week, I'm gonna blow my top soon.

x`p
12:10 PM

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