Money is the root of all evil. So they say. But having lots of money solves plenty of problems easily too.
It is very sad that the mention of $285 seemingly robs a conversation of traces of friendship, for what I experienced was a pure business deal. It was partially my fault, but suddenly I am made to feel like I have to bear the brunt of everything. The tone I experienced was devoid of warmth and sympathy - then again that's the real world ain't it - and it was full of expectations for me to pay the full sum.
I ought to have treaded more carefully. In my desperation I had overlooked all these tiny details that were peeking out from under the carpet I have hastily swept through, and now they are all coming back in huge dust-balls that attempt to choke my air-passage. I feel hurt and regret, that we are all but too human.
I do not want an argument. I do not want a friendship to sour. Neither do I want to walk around in school, only to purposely turn my face away from her because of the above mentioned matter - $$. Similarly, I avoid..I run away from many ugly matters and potential arguments that sprung up in my life, simply because I do not like such things. I would compromise on my own happiness to see the other party satisfied, because I thought I could adapt.
Apparently not. Lately I've been feeling like a caged eagle, wanting to just do things my own way and stop living by other people's standards. But the irony of it all, oh the irony - if I were to do things my own way I'll inevitably upset a hell lot of other people and in turn it will upset me. So, I've learnt its all about compromise - and compromise means a little discomfort on my part that I have to live with. Funny I was able to cope with these in the past, but not now? Maybe I just had enough of it all.
I can hardly explain my character anymore. All I know I want to be happy, truly happy. But I don't know what will make me truly happy anymore, because my happiness hinges on both the things I yearn to do as well as on watching others around me be happy too. Combining both will be pretty impossible at present.
With so much going on in my mind/life, jogging has became an escape for me. I can think and think and think all I want but by the end of it all, my mind will be a complete blank. I run for the sheer pleasure of it because it takes me away from my phone, my laptop, my schoolwork, and I get to focus all my attention and energy on myself and my running kaki. Clocking longer distances and knowing I can do more brings out a more positive aspect of how I see myself, which seems to be only thing keeping me buoyant at this moment.
Not to mention the number of people who have been there for me all these while. I love you guys.
It is very sad that the mention of $285 seemingly robs a conversation of traces of friendship, for what I experienced was a pure business deal. It was partially my fault, but suddenly I am made to feel like I have to bear the brunt of everything. The tone I experienced was devoid of warmth and sympathy - then again that's the real world ain't it - and it was full of expectations for me to pay the full sum.
I ought to have treaded more carefully. In my desperation I had overlooked all these tiny details that were peeking out from under the carpet I have hastily swept through, and now they are all coming back in huge dust-balls that attempt to choke my air-passage. I feel hurt and regret, that we are all but too human.
I do not want an argument. I do not want a friendship to sour. Neither do I want to walk around in school, only to purposely turn my face away from her because of the above mentioned matter - $$. Similarly, I avoid..I run away from many ugly matters and potential arguments that sprung up in my life, simply because I do not like such things. I would compromise on my own happiness to see the other party satisfied, because I thought I could adapt.
Apparently not. Lately I've been feeling like a caged eagle, wanting to just do things my own way and stop living by other people's standards. But the irony of it all, oh the irony - if I were to do things my own way I'll inevitably upset a hell lot of other people and in turn it will upset me. So, I've learnt its all about compromise - and compromise means a little discomfort on my part that I have to live with. Funny I was able to cope with these in the past, but not now? Maybe I just had enough of it all.
I can hardly explain my character anymore. All I know I want to be happy, truly happy. But I don't know what will make me truly happy anymore, because my happiness hinges on both the things I yearn to do as well as on watching others around me be happy too. Combining both will be pretty impossible at present.
With so much going on in my mind/life, jogging has became an escape for me. I can think and think and think all I want but by the end of it all, my mind will be a complete blank. I run for the sheer pleasure of it because it takes me away from my phone, my laptop, my schoolwork, and I get to focus all my attention and energy on myself and my running kaki. Clocking longer distances and knowing I can do more brings out a more positive aspect of how I see myself, which seems to be only thing keeping me buoyant at this moment.
Not to mention the number of people who have been there for me all these while. I love you guys.
Everything is snowballing into a huge catastrophe. No, not that huge, but enough to knock me off from the high I'm experiencing so far.
Reality check.
School-work's piling up, readings need to be done.
I landed a friend into financial trouble with the school, so I have to settle it.
I've hurt someone emotionally so badly, and pushing it away - its screaming back at me even louder now.
I'm still busy despite all these.
Oh man. I want to disappear to Redang now.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006Reality check.
School-work's piling up, readings need to be done.
I landed a friend into financial trouble with the school, so I have to settle it.
I've hurt someone emotionally so badly, and pushing it away - its screaming back at me even louder now.
I'm still busy despite all these.
Oh man. I want to disappear to Redang now.
2 sites, my dears. Check 'em out.
1. Funkygrad article on us!
2. Votes included. Be nice, and drop a vote. =)
Sheesh. So much for self-advertisement. The paiseh-ness of it all and such...haha.
On a lighter note, I'm pretty glad that things have taken a turn for the better after Monday blues yesterday...totally didn't have the mood to dance, not to mention the increasing pressure from those people from the upper management (and increasing levels up) - totally killed everybody's mood from the way I see it. Feeling so unprepared for school simply because I'm not used to the travelling - travelling from Tampines to NUS and back sucks big time. It wastes so much time, and you don't really get to rest proper in your own room in between lessons, you have to carry a huge bag around if you have a full day - laptop, toiletries, change of clothes (for days I'm running/training - like everyday), shoes, slippers...goodness... I NEED A DAMN ROOM!
And once that comes, life will be perfect once more.
Thursday, August 10, 20061. Funkygrad article on us!
2. Votes included. Be nice, and drop a vote. =)
Sheesh. So much for self-advertisement. The paiseh-ness of it all and such...haha.
On a lighter note, I'm pretty glad that things have taken a turn for the better after Monday blues yesterday...totally didn't have the mood to dance, not to mention the increasing pressure from those people from the upper management (and increasing levels up) - totally killed everybody's mood from the way I see it. Feeling so unprepared for school simply because I'm not used to the travelling - travelling from Tampines to NUS and back sucks big time. It wastes so much time, and you don't really get to rest proper in your own room in between lessons, you have to carry a huge bag around if you have a full day - laptop, toiletries, change of clothes (for days I'm running/training - like everyday), shoes, slippers...goodness... I NEED A DAMN ROOM!
And once that comes, life will be perfect once more.
*lets out a whistle*
Such pretty stuff. Potential damage at US$150.
Someone stop me.
I swear I have expensive tastes.
I bought a Phuture London dress at $107.
I chanced upon 2 Mango jackets - priced at $89 and $99.
I like corsets - they cost $80 and above.
Spotted heels starting at $139.
Today I went to choose blinds/curtains with my mum - the wooden blinds I opted for cost $375 just for my room! My mum's option? Normal beige flowery curtains that cost $476 for the ENTIRE house.
Then again I don't really fancy stuff at Far East Plaza or the likes, street fashion simply ain't my cuppa tea. It ain't all about expensive tastes but the stuff I like happen to be a random $(insert 3-digit number here). *slaps forehead*
School's starting soon and I still have yet to find a room. Damn it OSA its your fault.
3 weeks of coughing, and I'm still down with that annoying cough and yet another sore throat. Sleep comes easy now; yet the (lack of) colour on my face doesn't justify my 9 hours of sleep a day. Save for the abscence of a hall room, my life seems good for now.
Except for a nagging at the back of my mind. Just like how you can't keep up with my sudden busy schedule, I can't keep up with the whirlwind of thoughts through your head. Try as I might to understand and see things from a different point of view, it is indeed extremely tiring to sit through these thoughts. Rather than wear myself out torturing my mind with all these, I would rather avoid them at all costs. But my ear is still open.
I yearn and try to live a carefree life. It seems extremely crucial now that I am into my last year of university, and I want to make full use of whatever time I have on my hands. It is no different from yours, really. Whilst you pack your time with responsibilities, events and school in the past, I pack my time with dance, sports, family and school as well. No difference - 'cept that there's no A212 to go back to now.
And away from Eusoff I shall stay; away from their politics I shall keep. The feeling of betray and a dabble in the wrong side of politics (coupled with another NUS admin screw-up) has left me without a hall room despite having accumulated 48 RHAPS points. Damn suay lah.
Meanwhile, thank goodness for the company of my friends these weeks. Its been FUN! (:
Except for a nagging at the back of my mind. Just like how you can't keep up with my sudden busy schedule, I can't keep up with the whirlwind of thoughts through your head. Try as I might to understand and see things from a different point of view, it is indeed extremely tiring to sit through these thoughts. Rather than wear myself out torturing my mind with all these, I would rather avoid them at all costs. But my ear is still open.
I yearn and try to live a carefree life. It seems extremely crucial now that I am into my last year of university, and I want to make full use of whatever time I have on my hands. It is no different from yours, really. Whilst you pack your time with responsibilities, events and school in the past, I pack my time with dance, sports, family and school as well. No difference - 'cept that there's no A212 to go back to now.
And away from Eusoff I shall stay; away from their politics I shall keep. The feeling of betray and a dabble in the wrong side of politics (coupled with another NUS admin screw-up) has left me without a hall room despite having accumulated 48 RHAPS points. Damn suay lah.
Meanwhile, thank goodness for the company of my friends these weeks. Its been FUN! (: