Its holidays again..another period of idling away time because everyone's schedule is like filled to the brim and I find that even if I want to meet up with my old friends again..nobody seems to have the time. I guess I'm just not trying hard enough myself, but for tomorrow (Monday), its a free day because I've just been cancelled on.
I'm starting to wonder where exactly in Singapore can you have fun or simply find a nice place to relax? I realised my hunt for these places are futile because it doesn't matter where the place is, what matters is the company I've got. What an awakening call. What a startling jolt.
Its rather funny how I start to blog early but end up posting it one hour later or something. The entry may be short, but not every word spells out my exact feeling deep down inside. The pain I feel inside is too searing, a cut too deep to ever close unless a miracle happens to me.
I kept thinking back to the June, admist all the camps I've worked in and Sports Camp itself, I wonder when I will ever gain back the self-confidence, the pure joy and madness I have exhibited and the wonderful stir in my heart back then. Because all of those that made up a happy me seems to have been lost over the span of slightly less than 5 months.
I wish I could show more appreciation to the encouraging words that have been tagged and spoken to me, I wish I could heed them all and I really do wish everything will all be fine as everybody says. But thank you to all those who care for me, thank you to those who tried to make time to listen to me.
Tomorrow marks the end of exams for even more people I know, but they've got their own plans. Maybe supper at Chomp Chomp with available Neutrons will be a fantastic idea.
Friday, November 26, 2004I'm starting to wonder where exactly in Singapore can you have fun or simply find a nice place to relax? I realised my hunt for these places are futile because it doesn't matter where the place is, what matters is the company I've got. What an awakening call. What a startling jolt.
Its rather funny how I start to blog early but end up posting it one hour later or something. The entry may be short, but not every word spells out my exact feeling deep down inside. The pain I feel inside is too searing, a cut too deep to ever close unless a miracle happens to me.
I kept thinking back to the June, admist all the camps I've worked in and Sports Camp itself, I wonder when I will ever gain back the self-confidence, the pure joy and madness I have exhibited and the wonderful stir in my heart back then. Because all of those that made up a happy me seems to have been lost over the span of slightly less than 5 months.
I wish I could show more appreciation to the encouraging words that have been tagged and spoken to me, I wish I could heed them all and I really do wish everything will all be fine as everybody says. But thank you to all those who care for me, thank you to those who tried to make time to listen to me.
Tomorrow marks the end of exams for even more people I know, but they've got their own plans. Maybe supper at Chomp Chomp with available Neutrons will be a fantastic idea.
Just finished watching the local news, the special report on the Singapore Idols, or rather, the fans of those Singapore Idols.
Frankly speaking, I am appalled. How could anyone wait 24 hours, 7 days a week outside the TV station just to catch a glimpse of Sylvester? They are good to watch, nice to hear, but...woah. To be such hard core fans...*speechless* How could anyone purchase 5 SIM cards at one go and use up the maximum number of call times (500 per month) for each card? That accounts for about $1000+ worth of phone bills each month. *winces*
Looking at those young kids..ranging from 12 to 15..spending every single minute camping over at the TV station, doing up signboards for their idols and queueing up for their autographs - where do they find the time? No school? No homework?
*shudders*
My exams have ended, but its like nothing. Pure relief that I won't have to study until the next term starts that's all. I need to start exercising though. I'm becoming this nua piece of lard now...jia lat!
Thursday, November 25, 2004Frankly speaking, I am appalled. How could anyone wait 24 hours, 7 days a week outside the TV station just to catch a glimpse of Sylvester? They are good to watch, nice to hear, but...woah. To be such hard core fans...*speechless* How could anyone purchase 5 SIM cards at one go and use up the maximum number of call times (500 per month) for each card? That accounts for about $1000+ worth of phone bills each month. *winces*
Looking at those young kids..ranging from 12 to 15..spending every single minute camping over at the TV station, doing up signboards for their idols and queueing up for their autographs - where do they find the time? No school? No homework?
*shudders*
My exams have ended, but its like nothing. Pure relief that I won't have to study until the next term starts that's all. I need to start exercising though. I'm becoming this nua piece of lard now...jia lat!
Just got up from a not-so-power nap and I'm feeling totally stripped bare of confidence for GE1101E tomorrow, or should I say, perhaps another 15 hours later. (by the way, its Geography) Despite the fact that its almost (note: almost) a revision of A-level Geography...I can't seem to derust my brain nor get rid of the cobwebs which have formed since I graduated to gain access to the valuable knowledge my brain seems to hold.
The exams have reduced me to a grumpy old hag with permanent eye bags, jiggly fats (due to excessive snacking and lack of exercise), and a loss of vitality within myself. Or is it not only the exams? I feel like I'm immersed in a pool of oppression and there is no way of extracting myself out of it unless something radical happens. I do wish for the radical thing to quickly happen, but I myself know not what it is.
Someone get me anti-depressants.
Puay said I looked like I've lost the vibrance in my life. But she said more than that. She listened to me for as long as I will allow her to, she drew me out from the hole I have dug and hidden myself in for the past couple of days. Maintaining a cheerful demeanor everyday has become more of a challenge for me rather than a natural part of myself.
But then again, I realise I start to blog only when I'm really depressed, feeling down or something. Or when I have the urge to say what I really wanna say. Haiyar, I'm just being whiney.
Was viewing SportsCamp 2004 pictures with Jo, Huiling and Nick. We were all moaning about the enormous amount of weight we have put on, the wonderful nice golden healthy tan we have lost since 4-5 months ago. Oh it was saaaaaadddddd....
I'm really supposed to go on a diet. So if you catch me eating more than I should and exercising less than I should, please remind me about Project Diet.
Meanwhile, its back to the books for me. Not that I will absorb anything by tonight...I don't know.
Life simply sucks for me now. I don't know which direction I'm heading off to, I don't know why I'm letting myself be led around by the nose, I don't know why there is no more reason for me to smile. All I know is, I want my old self back. I want to sit back and grin in satisfaction.
I miss my girl-friends. The people who are as crazy over a particular TYS (Tom Yam Soup) as I am.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004The exams have reduced me to a grumpy old hag with permanent eye bags, jiggly fats (due to excessive snacking and lack of exercise), and a loss of vitality within myself. Or is it not only the exams? I feel like I'm immersed in a pool of oppression and there is no way of extracting myself out of it unless something radical happens. I do wish for the radical thing to quickly happen, but I myself know not what it is.
Someone get me anti-depressants.
Puay said I looked like I've lost the vibrance in my life. But she said more than that. She listened to me for as long as I will allow her to, she drew me out from the hole I have dug and hidden myself in for the past couple of days. Maintaining a cheerful demeanor everyday has become more of a challenge for me rather than a natural part of myself.
But then again, I realise I start to blog only when I'm really depressed, feeling down or something. Or when I have the urge to say what I really wanna say. Haiyar, I'm just being whiney.
Was viewing SportsCamp 2004 pictures with Jo, Huiling and Nick. We were all moaning about the enormous amount of weight we have put on, the wonderful nice golden healthy tan we have lost since 4-5 months ago. Oh it was saaaaaadddddd....
I'm really supposed to go on a diet. So if you catch me eating more than I should and exercising less than I should, please remind me about Project Diet.
Meanwhile, its back to the books for me. Not that I will absorb anything by tonight...I don't know.
Life simply sucks for me now. I don't know which direction I'm heading off to, I don't know why I'm letting myself be led around by the nose, I don't know why there is no more reason for me to smile. All I know is, I want my old self back. I want to sit back and grin in satisfaction.
I miss my girl-friends. The people who are as crazy over a particular TYS (Tom Yam Soup) as I am.
Plato. Socrates. Descartes. Mill.
How I love them, yet how I loathe them too.
Readers must understand that xp is doing a last minute study on PH1101E, philosophy.
My life now, is pretty sad.
Saturday, November 20, 2004How I love them, yet how I loathe them too.
Readers must understand that xp is doing a last minute study on PH1101E, philosophy.
My life now, is pretty sad.
Why does human nature have to be so complicated?
Can't we just be ants, focused on finding food, carrying it back and building the nest for the Queen?
Can't we just be squirrels, store food for the winter and forget where it's stored the next summer?
Can't we just be birds, following routes of migratory flights etched in our brains since birth, and return the next spring?
Can't we just be earthworms, and tunnel our way in and out of soil every minute of the day?
Can't we just be bunnies, and fuck our brains out till the next mating season?
Okay I didn't say the last line, its quoted from a friend. *grin*
But how true isn't it?
Wednesday, November 17, 2004Can't we just be ants, focused on finding food, carrying it back and building the nest for the Queen?
Can't we just be squirrels, store food for the winter and forget where it's stored the next summer?
Can't we just be birds, following routes of migratory flights etched in our brains since birth, and return the next spring?
Can't we just be earthworms, and tunnel our way in and out of soil every minute of the day?
Can't we just be bunnies, and fuck our brains out till the next mating season?
Okay I didn't say the last line, its quoted from a friend. *grin*
But how true isn't it?
Looking at events happening around me, I realised how many gatherings I have missed, how many parties I did not attend, how many friends I haven't talked on the phone since I entered JC.
Which probably explains my half-satisfied self now.
Let's see. Recently, its been small talk @ Swensens, Eddie's birthday, Fahmy's Hari Raya celebrations, Austen's surprise birthday, instructors' retreat at Sentosa which will take place 10 hours later. And its only...the past 2 weeks. Even further back, I lost count of the number of birthday parties I have missed - Jo's, Christine's..for the past year or two I have failed to meet up with MZ and the rest of the clique..countless Christmas and New Year's party missed..
Like my mum said "If you don't go for their wedding, they won't come to yours in future." But who was the one who limited so much of my social life? Who was the one who banned me from the phone every night? She has good intentions, well..just my luck that everything happens to be at night, the time when I'm supposed to be home.
Everyone around me is falling sick. Please take care.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004Which probably explains my half-satisfied self now.
Let's see. Recently, its been small talk @ Swensens, Eddie's birthday, Fahmy's Hari Raya celebrations, Austen's surprise birthday, instructors' retreat at Sentosa which will take place 10 hours later. And its only...the past 2 weeks. Even further back, I lost count of the number of birthday parties I have missed - Jo's, Christine's..for the past year or two I have failed to meet up with MZ and the rest of the clique..countless Christmas and New Year's party missed..
Like my mum said "If you don't go for their wedding, they won't come to yours in future." But who was the one who limited so much of my social life? Who was the one who banned me from the phone every night? She has good intentions, well..just my luck that everything happens to be at night, the time when I'm supposed to be home.
Everyone around me is falling sick. Please take care.
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
3 more days.
4 more lectures to cover.
5 more tutorials to cover.
10 more readings to cover.
But why do we always tense at the word "exams"?
Monday, November 15, 20043 more days.
4 more lectures to cover.
5 more tutorials to cover.
10 more readings to cover.
But why do we always tense at the word "exams"?
10 things I realised over the past few days.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004- My modem looks like a stingray.
- Having to wear the largest size in any clothes department based in Singapore is depressing. (worse still, this largest size applies to every part of my body except my bra size.)
- Studying, as crazy as it might seem, is still better than working for the rest of your life.
- My contract at Cristofori Music School only ends 31st January 2005. Crap.
- I'm too pale. I need a tan.
- I'm still not good at getting gifts for people.
- No matter how much I suck at floorball, I miss it. I miss the exercise that comes together with it as well.
- Schizophrenia isn't 'split personality'. It is just mainly a term used to describe a disordered mind, incapable of coherent thoughts. The actual term to describe split personalities is "dissociative identity disorder".
- I certainly don't have a knack with kids, at least those below 13.
- Hamsterball is an addictive game.
So much for updates. Point is, I don't really feel like blogging because I think I need a breather from all the comments I've been receiving lately regarding my actions. Providing another outlet for those gossip-mongers here will be the biggest mistake of my life.
And you..tickety tackaty toomph..let those tonsils de-swell too~
I'm supposed to take a nap after Psychology lecture.
Can't seem to sleep. So I'm up blogging before I settle down for the next sub-chapter for Psychology.
Cheapo me decides to use my blog as an advertisment area for...
RoxyJam04
Venue: Sunset Bay Beach Bar, Siloso Beach, Sentosa
Date: 27th November 2004
Time: 7pm till late
Hosted by: MediaCorp Radio DJs Glenn Ong & Jean Danker
Ticket: Customised Quicksilver/Roxy EZ-Link Card at $18 each
includes:
- $3 deposit (no face value) which can be topped up and used to purchase food and beverages at the party
- 1 alcoholic drink/2 soft drinks
- 10% off to all F&B purchases @ RoxyJam (which means you don't have to bring any cash!)
- 10% discount only at Quicksilver Boardriders Club (Paragon/Pacific Plaza) and Roxy (Pacific Plaza) until 31st December 2005.
Transfer to Surf's Up! VIP
Present your entrance ticket/EZ-Link and top up an additional $25 @ Roxy (Pacific Plaza) which allows you to sign up for Surf's Up! VIP card which offers 10% discount at participating stores like Roxy, Quiksilver, Ripcurl, Stussy, Flash N Splash and Surfbabe.
Transfer period to the Surf's Up! card will only be from 28th November 2004 to 28th February 2005.
Well. Interested? Get back to me if you want tickets.
Monday, November 08, 2004Can't seem to sleep. So I'm up blogging before I settle down for the next sub-chapter for Psychology.
Cheapo me decides to use my blog as an advertisment area for...
RoxyJam04
Venue: Sunset Bay Beach Bar, Siloso Beach, Sentosa
Date: 27th November 2004
Time: 7pm till late
Hosted by: MediaCorp Radio DJs Glenn Ong & Jean Danker
Ticket: Customised Quicksilver/Roxy EZ-Link Card at $18 each
includes:
- $3 deposit (no face value) which can be topped up and used to purchase food and beverages at the party
- 1 alcoholic drink/2 soft drinks
- 10% off to all F&B purchases @ RoxyJam (which means you don't have to bring any cash!)
- 10% discount only at Quicksilver Boardriders Club (Paragon/Pacific Plaza) and Roxy (Pacific Plaza) until 31st December 2005.
Transfer to Surf's Up! VIP
Present your entrance ticket/EZ-Link and top up an additional $25 @ Roxy (Pacific Plaza) which allows you to sign up for Surf's Up! VIP card which offers 10% discount at participating stores like Roxy, Quiksilver, Ripcurl, Stussy, Flash N Splash and Surfbabe.
Transfer period to the Surf's Up! card will only be from 28th November 2004 to 28th February 2005.
Well. Interested? Get back to me if you want tickets.
Non-stop activity from Thursday night's training followed by a camp on Friday and another extended training till Saturday afternoon.
To those who know, camp = endless late-night/wee early mornings preparation + non-stop rah-rah-ing the kids + no time to sit down & rest + after camp clear-up.
I probably only sat down once in the entire day.
I now fully understand the meaning of shagged out.
Didn't even want to move from club room after training on Saturday. Fatigue gave way to slight fever and a sore throat.
Damn. What a fine way to have a break. I never thought a bed will feel so heavenly.
10 hours of sleep ain't enough. I need more!
At least all that is left is a sandpapered throat.
I am strong.
Monday, November 01, 2004To those who know, camp = endless late-night/wee early mornings preparation + non-stop rah-rah-ing the kids + no time to sit down & rest + after camp clear-up.
I probably only sat down once in the entire day.
I now fully understand the meaning of shagged out.
Didn't even want to move from club room after training on Saturday. Fatigue gave way to slight fever and a sore throat.
Damn. What a fine way to have a break. I never thought a bed will feel so heavenly.
10 hours of sleep ain't enough. I need more!
At least all that is left is a sandpapered throat.
I am strong.
Finally, assignments for the term - all over. Its time to properly settle down to studying mode.
For once, I boarded the train early on a Monday morning to head to school. For once I'm not falling asleep like I usually do on long train rides. I spent the time thinking - where did all my time go the past 3 months?
Busy surely, but I had fun. I never regretted joining Sports Club, I never regretted joining floorball. The only thing I regretted was not being able to forsee that I will have no time for my dear ones and my friends. My girllllfriends..oh man, I miss them so much! What happened to those good ol' tai-tai days?
Realised how much I am missing out on updates in everyone's lives, until I read their blogs. Must it be such that only blogs will tell our daily happenings? Haiyoh. I'm forever lamenting about this topic of having not enough time. But I have been like that since young - I hated to be left alone with nothing to do, I always wanted to stay busy so that time will pass very quickly for me, and I will find that my day has been an eventful one and a well-lived one. Damn I'm such a lor-soh queen.
Was reading Anna's blog, and her comment on guys made me think back about what she said. Yeah, in some aspects, guys are pretty...I don't know how to put it..I just don't know what's wrong with them. What's with some guys thinking that girls are plain bimbos? What's with them thinking we are know nothing about their troubles and when we ask them what is wrong, what's with them replying "Aiyah, you won't understand one lah". What's with them wanting everything to go smoothly without a stumble and getting so pissed when girls accidentally barf it up? So what? We aren't perfect; we aren't as efficient as you want us to be...so what? Can't live with it because you've been trained to be efficient during the army? We just have this ability to laugh it over and get on with things, why can't you see the humorous side of it?
Bitch in XP is emerging. I don't care. I hate the way some guys treat me. I'm not given any leeway for mistakes. Its too pressurising. Maybe that's why the book Men are like Mars and Women are like Venus came out. There's no denying that the two genders are different in their own ways, but one doesn't have to blow the matter up!
Its gonna be a long long post because I have the time to blog. Not that anybody will really have the time to read it all because we are all so busy with our own stuff =) but I need to get it all out.
I'm sprouting pimples all over my face again just when I managed to clear them off 3 months ago. I've gained weight, I have fatter legs, thunderous thighs, bruised toes...unsightly. *sulks* Shucks. I can plainly see my mood evolving from happy to relieved to bitchy to whiney. Oh dear, how gross.
I'm just this thing taking up space. This invader in rooms. This free-loader who goes home to eat dinner. This non-existent being floating around school. Can't give people love and attention they want. Don't know how to. Made with a heart of stone. Or maybe not. Maybe my brain is just made of cotton wool.
For once, I boarded the train early on a Monday morning to head to school. For once I'm not falling asleep like I usually do on long train rides. I spent the time thinking - where did all my time go the past 3 months?
Busy surely, but I had fun. I never regretted joining Sports Club, I never regretted joining floorball. The only thing I regretted was not being able to forsee that I will have no time for my dear ones and my friends. My girllllfriends..oh man, I miss them so much! What happened to those good ol' tai-tai days?
Realised how much I am missing out on updates in everyone's lives, until I read their blogs. Must it be such that only blogs will tell our daily happenings? Haiyoh. I'm forever lamenting about this topic of having not enough time. But I have been like that since young - I hated to be left alone with nothing to do, I always wanted to stay busy so that time will pass very quickly for me, and I will find that my day has been an eventful one and a well-lived one. Damn I'm such a lor-soh queen.
Was reading Anna's blog, and her comment on guys made me think back about what she said. Yeah, in some aspects, guys are pretty...I don't know how to put it..I just don't know what's wrong with them. What's with some guys thinking that girls are plain bimbos? What's with them thinking we are know nothing about their troubles and when we ask them what is wrong, what's with them replying "Aiyah, you won't understand one lah". What's with them wanting everything to go smoothly without a stumble and getting so pissed when girls accidentally barf it up? So what? We aren't perfect; we aren't as efficient as you want us to be...so what? Can't live with it because you've been trained to be efficient during the army? We just have this ability to laugh it over and get on with things, why can't you see the humorous side of it?
Bitch in XP is emerging. I don't care. I hate the way some guys treat me. I'm not given any leeway for mistakes. Its too pressurising. Maybe that's why the book Men are like Mars and Women are like Venus came out. There's no denying that the two genders are different in their own ways, but one doesn't have to blow the matter up!
Its gonna be a long long post because I have the time to blog. Not that anybody will really have the time to read it all because we are all so busy with our own stuff =) but I need to get it all out.
I'm sprouting pimples all over my face again just when I managed to clear them off 3 months ago. I've gained weight, I have fatter legs, thunderous thighs, bruised toes...unsightly. *sulks* Shucks. I can plainly see my mood evolving from happy to relieved to bitchy to whiney. Oh dear, how gross.
I'm just this thing taking up space. This invader in rooms. This free-loader who goes home to eat dinner. This non-existent being floating around school. Can't give people love and attention they want. Don't know how to. Made with a heart of stone. Or maybe not. Maybe my brain is just made of cotton wool.