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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

I'm a happy girl today!

Philosophy essay finished - 3 days before due date.
Can finally shoot properly!

Down to one last pain-in-the-butt essay - Singapore films.

Yay!

But, laptop is down.
I have a pimple in my ear. Its damn painful. *scowls*

x`p
10:24 PM

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Up at such an ungodly hour of 2am in the morning when I have an 8am lesson later.

Why must my laptop choose to die on me this week? The most essential week, where I have to complete 2 essays.

WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

It already feels like a screwed up week. Somebody save me!

x`p
1:58 AM

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Never a sweeter place than home.

And hey look, nothing in my wish-list so far! *ponders* There's nothing I really really really really really want these days lah I suppose.

Check out my latest purchase.
Pink shaft, blade's name is Megalomaniac. Like, how scary.
But along with this new stick comes a slightly greater pressure for me to perform. Shucks I've got to stop all these thoughts and just have fun. Oh well. *shrugs*

Realised how out of touch I have been with everybody around me, I miss all my groups of friends. My TK band friends, my TJ fellow bowlers, G4, 3602, the batch of instructors I worked with before school started, Neutrons, and many many many many many more. I miss them all!

2 essays due next Friday and the following Monday. Simply don't know what to do about them. I swear never to take another Philosphy module again, the readings are as mad as a March hare and the best part is that I don't understand what those ancient philosphers were thinking about. It seems a bloody waste of time just arguing over this concept that cannot be explained.

I'm permanently tired. Shucks.

x`p
7:40 PM

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

When I think I have time to blog, it turns out that I don't.

Like tonight. I finally completed what is expected of me till Wednesday, but now I'll have to prepare for 2 more essays before I settle down for the exam break.

Got very demoralised during Tuesday's floorball training...simply cannot shoot at all, can't seem to pass properly etc. Seems like I am not good in anything at all - I do everything wrong, I'm slow, I'm...oh well, there's nothing which I feel totally confident in anymore.

I've been going through this sinking feeling since school started, trying my darnest to get my confidence up, but till now I could not find anything to boost my morale. To the point where I feel I ought to slap myself awake and decide that I have enough of this, and that I must change my view of life from this second onwards. I got my floorball stick today, and I start worrying whether with this new stick will my playing change for the better.

I ought to stop putting unnecessary pressure on myself to excel, for I don't want the same thing to happen like what it did when I was bowling. I want to enjoy the game, but yet...how can I feel the exhiliration of it when I simply cannot execute a proper pass/shot consistently?

I must admit, I aim not for the best, but the better average - studies, work, sports. These 3 aspects keep me going but yet in my pursue of these 3 aspects, I have neglected the most important of all...my social life and relationships with my friends and loved ones.

I am still able to find my fun admist all these, for the above are just trivial thoughts which I have captured. :) Life is still good. Hectic, but good training.

x`p
1:32 AM

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Sunday, October 10, 2004

Admist all the insanity in my life, I discovered a little comfort today.

A different studio, a different piano, a brighter sound, a more sonorous tone.
Lost in Marriage D'amour.
The voice of Josh Groban, To Where You Are.
Extremely comforting and refreshing.

"Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breath always not far to where you are"

x`p
11:13 PM

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Saturday, October 09, 2004

I haven't really properly blogged for ages. I haven't had the time to really read what went on in my friends' lives for ages as well. Why can't I have 48 hours per day? But I suppose if I do have 48 hours per day, I'll cramp it up with even more stuff within these 48 hours.

Its a busy period again after the term break. 2 reports due, 2 tests coming up, 1 open book quiz coming up. I'm not a mugger, I'm just putting in more effort than other people because I don't have the ability to grasp concepts as fast as others do. Call me slow, but I'm trying my very best. Its getting tiring. Frankly speaking, I've never felt so pathetic until now...where I feel I'm up against all the better brains out there. Suddenly, there seems to be nothing left for me to take comfort in knowing that I'm better at some things than others are. How does one explain that feeling? The feeling of helplessness.

I'm just lamenting (as usual) la. *sulks*

Have I chewed off more than I could swallow? Juggling school work, sports club and floorball, work and relationships.

Feeling of frustration creeps in everytime I succumb to the sleep factor. Everytime I sleep longer than I intended to, everytime I take a nap in the afternoon/night and end up not doing work, I deem it as wasting precious time. *sigh* I ought to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and not deny myself of these little luxuries.

"Girl, have you forgotten what is it like to relax and enjoy yourself?"

I just want the best for a special someone, yet I can't seem to even provide that.

Time to pay my monthly bills. I'm getting poorer by the month!


x`p
10:57 PM

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Friday, October 08, 2004

Hey people,

Please do a survey for me! Need it over the weekend! Thanks so much!
Click here for the survey.

Thanks again!


x`p
1:31 PM

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

If you think that's the way to get me down, think again.

Club room shift on Saturday. New place is big, nice, but I don't feel settled down yet. Partly because my things aren't there in order, partly because when I open my cupboard it looks so empty and except for this lonely shoebag lying there. The new place looks great though, looking forward to settling down comfortably in that room. Though I do hope SRC grants us access to surplus funds. Then it will be heavenly. *beams*

2 reports, 2 tests coming up.

Did my hair. Freaking lioness! *yells*


x`p
3:31 AM

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| The Girl |
Twenty-two
Aquarian
Just bummin' around
With too much on her mind,
and too limited words to say.



| Living life, Loving it |
music, singing, gerberas, iridiscence, glass bottles, shot glasses, outdoors, sports, writing, milo-peng, earrings, gem stones, bikinis, food, denim skirts, indulgence.


| Reads |
Adrian
Alwyn
Astri
Boo Honk
Cai Xia
Chinying
Derrick
Hildra
Hong Yi
Huiyu
Jasmin
Joyce
Mel
Ming Zhen
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Nick
Nicole
Terrence
The Great Jer
Valerie
Weili




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